Christmas Joy

Another Christmas has come and gone.  Like normal, it was a crazy busy time, but also crazy fun. We spent a lot of time with family, although it never seems like enough. It is so easy with everything going on this time of year to let the stress of the season take away the joy. As I was looking back through the pictures I took during our various Christmas activities this year, there are a few that stood out to me because they really capture the joy and love that we were surrounded with this year.

This one doesn't really need explanation. Laughter from the heart is always good for the soul.

Who doesn't want crackers for Christmas?  And when you get crackers for Christmas, why not lay in the floor and eat them whilst everyone around you continues to open gifts?

Giggling baby riding a tortured looking puppy.  Now that's a keeper.

The grandma that never wanted pets because they're dirty and messy letting my new puppy lick her in the face.  And she was laughing the whole time...pure, joy-filled laughter.

This picture just speaks to me of love and contentment. It is a simple moment, and that's what makes it so beautiful.  

Welcome Tripper

Last week, we surprised the kids with a puppy for Christmas.  We're either the coolest or the craziest parents I know.  Somehow, we did keep it a secret even though we've known since October.

Merle Tripper Nance, whom we call Tripper, is just 11 weeks old.  We decided on Tripper because he is our third dog, and Tripper is just a cute name for a cute puppy. He's a liver and white tri-color springer spaniel, which just means he has the lighter brown around his eyes and face.

I am partial, but I seriously think he's one of the cutest puppies I've ever seen.  The contrast of the chocolate brown and white is just adorable. 

But more than looks, he has an amazing personality.  He has all of the playfulness of a puppy, but he is also very relaxed.  He lets the kids pick him up and carry him around.  He will cuddle with them during his frequent naps, and I've only seen him nip them accidentally when they were playing.

We're still working on house-training, but I think he's starting to figure it out.  We're also starting to figure him out too.  He is sleeping in the bed with Billy and I at night, and I woke up this morning with him laying right on my belly.  I don't think he's really partial to any of us at this point.  He really loves all of his humans. I am going to say he likes me the best though because he helped me open my presents at Christmas.

He loves Stella too, and she loves him when she's not eating or sleeping.  That isn't very often, so most of the time he just plays with his humans.  When Stella will run around with him outside or chase a ball with him, he loves it.  It's been fun to watch them running in the show this past week in the back yard.

As crazy as I think we are, I also think we picked the perfect little pup for our family.  He's spunky, loving, easy-going, and smart.  We're so glad that Tripper has come to stay.

Another Year in the Record Books

The past months have brought a lot of change, both good and bad, in our lives.  We lost our beloved Jackson.  I started a new job.  Audrey and Barrett have continued to add activities to the daily routine, and each of our children has continued to grow and mature.  As I celebrate my birthday today, I have found myself looking back even further these last few months to my early and mid twenties.  My thoughts have been going back to the time when Billy and I were newly married, I was starting my career, and children were still only a thought.  There is so much I thought I knew.  I know better than that now; in fact, now I'd say I think I know very little....at least compared to what I thought I knew then. 

As I look back 10 years from now, there are a few things that I want to make sure I remember.  I am going to record them here for all to see.  Then, 10 years from now I can evaluate just how they've withstood the test of time. So, here are the three things I would've told myself 10 years ago and that I hope to live out daily over the next 10 years.

1. Love yourself, but Love God More.  This seems simple.  But there is so much wrapped up in the meaning of these words.  10 years ago, I spent a lot of time trying to make myself better.  I focused on things like: looking better, doing better work than my peers, getting in better shape, being a better wife. These things may seem innocent enough, but my motives weren't.  Why did I want to be better?  Because I wanted the people around me to see how well I was doing.  I wanted them to like me, approve of me, and love me for it.  I didn't accept my human-ness.  I didn't take joy in who God had made me to be.  I loved the approval of the world more than I loved myself.  And God...I loved God, but I lived more for the approval of the world than I did for the glory of God.  My actions and motives were primarily driven my love of the world and desire to cement my place in it. And because the world preaches self-love, that came second.  God came third.  Since then, I have learned the freedom of putting aside the teachings of this world.  I have learned to appreciate who I am and focus on my opportunities to grow instead of my shortcomings. I have found the joy of laughing at my mistakes and the peace in trying to love others the way God loves them instead of judging them against the world's standards.  That is what happens when you learn to love yourself, but love God more.
2. Never hesitate to give or receive grace.  This one is a little tougher to accept at first glance.  I am sure there at some who would argue the truth of this statement.  But, the more of life I experience, the more I realize just how necessary this is.  Like many of you, I am my own worst critic.  And, when I am low, I often find I pick myself apart, give in to self-doubt, and just fall lower still.  In those moments, I find it nearly impossible to give myself grace.  But often, it's even harder to accept grace from others.  It seems impossible that someone else would be willing to look past the shortcomings that I refuse to accept. Yet, receiving that grace gives hope.  It revives me.  It gives me life.  Not because it comes from that person but because it comes from God.  And, when I give grace, I breath that same life into others.  Granted, some people take it for granted.  Sometimes I do too.  But the more grace becomes a normal part of who I am and how I act, the more of God's light I can reflect for others to see.  
3. Being honest with yourself and others builds both humility and confidence.  Honesty is the best policy...at least that's what they say. Then why is it so hard sometimes?  Personally, I find it most difficult to be honest with myself.  We all have those stories that we build in our minds; they are based on truth, but then we start to mix in assumptions, hearsay, and half-truths.  We end up with a muddled mess that tears others down along with us.  People get hurt because we've started to believe this story that isn't completely true.  We get hurt because of what we think other people are saying and doing.  When we're honest with both ourselves and others, it replaces assumptions with facts. It eliminates hearsay.  It chops off the part of the half-truth that isn't. We grow in humility, because we see ourselves and the world around us for what it is and what it isn't.  We can more easily recognize our mistakes for what they are and focus on recovering from them instead of covering them up.  And that awareness brings confidence.  We no longer have to try to be something we're not, because we've already admitted to ourselves and the world the truth.  That allows us to focus on growing and developing those things we're good at. 

Drama Queen

Audrey has been dancing since she was 4, but now she's also taking an interest in singing and acting.  The past couple of weeks she's had the opportunity to show off her skills on a couple of different stages.

First, she had her fall dance recital. She performed 4 dances there, and did a great job in each.  She loved the jazz number they did the best, but I enjoyed watching the ballet the most.  When she wants to, she has great poise and carries herself very well.  It is really fun to see how she is developing as a dancer.  Her moves are more precise and she is able to stay on rhythm with much less effort.

After the show on the drive home, she mentioned that she thought one of her friends was such a good dancer, which also showed me how much she has grown.  She is not only doing better at her own dancing, but she is really starting to appreciate the beauty in other people's dancing as well.  

Today, she had both a piano recital and a church concert.  Fortunately, she was able to wear the same outfit to both, which made logistics a lot easier to manage. At the piano recital, she did a fantastic job playing her piece "We Three Kings" by memory with no mistakes.  I am so proud of how hard she practiced.  She put so much time and effort into making her performance great.  It was wonderful to see the fruits of her labor come to fruition.  

Afterwards at the church concert, she sang in the choir and had a speaking part. She has rehearsed at church and at home for many weeks now.  She had arm motions and everything to go with both the speaking and singing.  It was a lot of fun to watch.

It makes me so proud to see how much time, effort, and patience she has put into practicing for each of these activities.  Speaking and performing in front of crowds is something that puts fear in the hearts of many adults.  And here, my 8 year old daughter is embracing that fear and going for it.  She is also not afraid to try now; for the longest time, she hated trying or doing anything that didn't come easily to her.  Now, three times in just one week she got to show to us and herself just what you can achieve with a little bit of hard work. 

Hockey Mom

This fall, Barrett started playing hockey in the mini-mites league in Kirkwood.  It has been a huge adjustment for our family, as both Saturday and Sunday mornings now involve hockey.  That means Billy and I having to do a lot of dividing and conquering to make sure Barrett is at practices and games on time.  I'll be honest though, Billy does the vast majority of the hockey running.  I am still not that proficient with putting on all of those pads, so it's just easier for everyone if dad helps Barrett out in that regard. I might be a hockey mom, but the hockey dad is still top dog when it comes to all of the equipment.

As the season has gone on, Barrett has really started to come into his own.  It's been fun to watch him improve week to week.  At the beginning of the season, he fell a lot.  Now he does fall accidentally sometimes, but I have noticed that he tends to fall more when he is hot and tired and wants to lay on the ice.

Last week, he was lucky enough to play a quick game during the first intermission at the Blues game.  It was so fun to see him play in the big arena, although those kids look so tiny on the ice compared to the NHL players.  Barrett had one breakaway during that game, but unfortunately, his skate got caught on some rough ice and he took a hard fall. That didn't dampen his spirits though.  Honestly, I think that is what is so fun about watching him play.  He just enjoys it so much.  Every time he comes out of the locker room he is grinning ear to ear and bragging about how sweaty he is.  And each time, I ask him if he tried his best and had fun.  As long as the answer to both of those questions is a yes, then I know the game was a success!

Eventful Fall

I am falling a bit behind on making regular posts.  Between my job and all of the kids activities, it's been a challenge to find time to sit down and write.  Oh, and there's a toddler that must be monitored at all times so that he doesn't destroy something or hurt himself!

To make up for my infrequent updates, I am going to give a giant brain dump all at once.  Brace yourself!

The weather this fall has been even more of a roller coaster than usual, which made for an interesting Halloween.  It has seriously gone from highs in the 30s to highs in the 70s at least 3 or 4 times since the beginning of October.  So, the Friday before Halloween, we went trunk or treating with short sleeves.  Then, 4 days later on Halloween, we were trying to put layers on the kids under their costumers so they wouldn't freeze.  The kids decided to do a shared theme this year.  Can you guess what it is?

Fletcher is part of the theme too, it's just hard to tell, because he wouldn't hold still for the photos.  He is a rebel pilot, if you couldn't tell :)

Between Halloween and Thanksgiving, we spent a lot of time just running between all of the kids' activities.  Barrett has hockey, Audrey has dance, both have piano, Barrett is starting basketball, Audrey's in the Christmas program at church and they're both starting up Lego League.  I don't know what we'll do once Fletcher has activities to go to as well.  I have to admit though, he is definitely dragged along to a lot of his sibling's activities, so I fully anticipate him to want to do all of them too!

In the midst of all of this, we had a couple of furry visitors for a few days.  My parent's dog Bailey and their new puppy Jimbo came to stay with us.  Barrett just loves that Jimbo will chase him around, so they found great joy in running around the back yard.  That prompted Jimbo to choose Barrett has his favorite human, which then prompted Jimbo to insist on sleeping with Barrett.  Don't worry, my parents were able to tear the two apart so Jimbo could still go home with them after their trip.

For Thanksgiving, we hosted at our house this year for the first time EVER!  Billy did a great job roasting the turkey, and we had lots of other yummy dishes that our family contributed.  It was also wonderful to be able to lounge around my own house after I had forced myself into a food coma.

After spending time at home, we made the trek to Greenville over Thanksgiving weekend.  The unusually warm temperatures meant the kids had a lot of opportunity to play outside.  It was a wonderful way for them to burn off all of the sugar they'd been consuming over the previous days.

They also got to see their cousin Macie for the first time in almost 2 months!  It is so fun to see how much she has grown up over that time.  I think she's still a little unsure about her cousin's though.

Oh, and I can't forget to add a story about Fletcher eating. As usual, Fletcher was making us laugh with is eating habits.  "Pia" as he calls it is his favorite food, so he was ecstatic when we took a break from turkey this weekend.  But, as usual, he insisted on not having his food cut up.  

As stressful as the busy-ness can be, it's also a lot of fun.  I can't imagine it any other way!

Gratitude for Generosity

The current sermon series at our church is focused on generosity, and this past week, they've been sending out daily devotional emails on the subject.  All week I've been reading them, pondering how I am using the resources God has given me, and praying that God would guide me in the ways he wants me to share those resources.  As the week neared its end, the focus of our nation turned to the many veterans who have served our country over the past 2 centuries.  This caused a shift in my focus too.  I began to ponder the generosity of those individuals who have been part of our country's armed forces.

I have several friends who are or have been part of the military.  I have seen them, for lack of a better description, put their lives on hold when they went overseas on a tour of duty.  They literally packed up their lives and put them in storage sheds until they returned a year or more later.  They put relationships on hold in many ways, postponing weddings, having family Christmas in November, and more; in some cases, relationships ended. They've moved their families all over the world. They've seen things that sometimes wake them up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  I've heard the stories of the food they had to eat, the beds they slept on, and the outdoor showers they used to try to bathe.

It is difficult for me to imagine the hardships these people have endured, because I was never willing to give that much of myself to serve our country.  The service of these veterans is a true example of the generosity God calls us all to have.  I can't even find the words to express my gratitude.  So, while my words may be simple, please know that they are coming from a place of sincere love and gratitude.

To all of those veterans that have generously sacrificed to serve our country, I thank you. 

Ups and Downs

The past week held many ups and downs for me.  It started with an invigorating Sunday morning at church where I had fun with the 2nd grade Sunday School class and then attended an energizing worship service.  During the service, the verse Romans 12:12 was read a couple of times, and it really stuck with me.

~ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and constant in Prayer.~

The prior week had been very busy, and I already felt a tinge of congestion in my head, so I knew that keeping focused on God was going to be very important in the week ahead.  So, I made the commitment that I'd use that verse as my mantra that week.  I committed it to memory and repeated it frequently throughout the week.  So, how did I do with living it out?

Well, as the day wore on, it became painfully clear I'd come down with a cold.   I did pray constantly that God would heal my cold, but I didn't do anything to help my body fight off the cold.  I worked a ton, ate poorly, ran around like normal in the evenings, and didn't go to bed any earlier than normal.  So, the cold persisted and has now turned into a sinus infection.  It's just a reminder that

As I started the work week on Monday, I knew I had a busy week ahead.  Little did I know that on top of the expected activities even more unexpected tasks would come up, and by Wednesday night I would be completely exhausted.    I tried to be patient, knowing that the stress would end once the tasks were completed.  As hard as I tried, being patient did nothing to reduce my stress.

On Thursday, I spent the day with my daughter and her classmates on their field trip to the Missouri Capital in Jefferson City.  As I went to bed Wednesday night, all I could think was how terrible the timing was for the trip.  I had too much going on at work.  I was still recovering from the pesky cold.  I hadn't done much of anything around the house all week, including buy milk.  I won't say that I didn't think about work, the empty fridge, or my congested head at all while we were in Jeff City that day, but I did have a fantastic time with my daughter and her friends.

So, at the end of the week, how well did I do at living out Romans 12:12?  Well, I'm giving my performance a mixed review.  Here's why.

I prayed a lot.  Did I pray constantly?  No.  Did I pray multiple times throughout the day?  Yes.  Did I pray first thing when I work up and before I went to sleep each night?  I most definitely did. Did the constant prayer keep me focused on God?  Well, sort of.  I was focused on asking God to help me with all of the things that weren't going the way I wanted them to.  If I am honest though, I'd say at least 75% of my prayers last week were some sort of petition.  That leaves only 25% for praise, confession and thanksgiving.  Not so great.

Now, let's talk about patience.  Was I afflicted?  Of course.  Did I turn to God and pray for deliverance in the struggles?  Absolutely! Was I being patient?  I definitely tried to be patient.  How did I try to be patient?  I told myself (in my head of course) to be patient.  I reminded myself that the light would come at the end of the tunnel.  I read Psalms that talk about deliverance and God's justice.  Did I persevere?  Well, sort of.  I mean, if you being completely stressed out and crabby persevering, then I guess you could say I did.  So, if I tried to be patient, then why didn't I persevere with more grace?  That's the question I found myself asking at the end of the week.  I found the answer in the third part (well, really the first part) of the verse.

That brings me to being "joyful in hope."  Was I joyful?  When the week was over and it was 5 pm on Friday I was.  Did I have hope that God would hear my prayers for assistance?  Well, I kept praying.  So, if I had hope, then why was it so hard to be joyful?  Because I was short-sighted.  I was totally missing the point.  I was living for today and wasn't living in light of eternity.

You see, I was focusing so much on my current struggles that I lost sight of the bigger picture.  My hope was only for the present, and the present sucked.  So, how could I be joyful in that? 

The point is that the hope God gives us extends beyond this moment, this lifetime, and even this world.  It isn't hope that life will be easy; it's hope for another life with him for eternity. It's hope that our loved ones will be there with us.   It's hope that with the life he's given us now, we'll bring him glory and spread his love to the world around us.  It's hope that each day I'm here I am doing my part in his eternal plan.  When I think about hope that way, it's hard to not be joyful.

So, as I go into this new week, I feel refreshed and energized, and it's not just because of the antibiotics that are getting rid of the nasty infection in my head.  It's because I now understand what Paul meant by Romans 12:12. First and foremost, I will put in my heart and mind the hope that God gives us through his son Jesus Christ. As the tribulations arise (and we all know they will), I will have patience because my heart is dwelling not on the affliction, but on the joy resulting from the hope that is in me.  And, I will pray.  Not because I want to receive something, but because there is no better way to express the joy, hope, and adoration that I have for my God and savior.

Gritty Kids

I know that Grit is becoming such a buzzword these days, but that doesn't undermine it's importance.  As a parent, I want to do everything I can to encourage my children to have a strong work ethic and to look at failure as a learning opportunity.  I don't want them to give up too easily or avoid things that are hard.  I want them to be gritty.

Honestly, I am not sure how to teach my kids to be gritty.  In fact, I am not always sure how to embody it myself in order to set a good example for my kids.  I often get frustrated when I fail, and that frustration comes out in ways I am not proud of.  I throw pity parties when things don't go my way, and I'd rather sulk than get up and move on.  I get lazy and secretly hope other people will do the tasks that I really dislike instead of just sucking it up and doing it myself.

As hard as it is for me to have grit, how do I help my children be gritty?  Well, the beauty is, they've got more than I typically give them credit for.  There have been a few situations that have come up over the past few weeks that have surprised me and remind me just how amazing my kids are.  I wanted to record them so I remember these moments a few weeks down the road when Barrett refuses to try to play his piano piece again after playing it incorrectly, and Audrey is crying because she "can't do anything right (her words, not mine)."

• Two weeks ago, we were at my parents house, and my dad had bought a little motor bike.  Barrett wasn't allowed to ride it, because he can't ride a bike without training wheels.  Determined to ride the motor bike, he learned in a matter of about 20 minutes to ride his bike without training wheels.  He did get to ride the motor bike after that.
• When Audrey first started her piano lessons, it seemed like she ended up in tears every time she practiced.  She would get frustrated when she didn't sight read songs correctly the first time and would subsequently shut down so she was at that point incapable of playing them correctly at all.  Since the school year started, she has been much more diligent about practicing and the piano induced tears have decreased drastically.  
• Since Audrey learned to read, I have dreamed of her reading the same books I loved as a child and sharing the joy of those stories with her.  I have tried time and again to encourage her to read long chapter books with little success.  She starts them and then before she can even get into the thick of the plot, she stops reading.  A couple of weeks ago, one of her classmates encouraged her to read Harry Pottery.  So, now she's reading the first book, and I have to go tell her to stop reading and go to sleep at night.  I know it's a great book series, so I can understand why she finds it so interesting.  Still, it is great to see her sticking with something!
• One morning last week, I was getting ready for work and went to ask Barrett and Audrey to get ready for school.  They were both in Barrett's room, sitting on his bed.  When I asked what they were doing, Audrey explained that she was teaching him to draw a star.  I then noticed a stack of at least 20 sticky notes covered in marks that were starting to more and more closely resemble stars.  It was great to see that not only were they working together, but that neither of them was getting frustrated by how long it was taking Barrett to draw a star correctly.  Now, Barrett is drawing stars on everything!  

These may be small moments, but they're worth celebrating, because they're moments when these kids worked hard and didn't give up.  

18 Months

Today you're 18 months old.  Looking at you though, I am pretty sure most people would guess you to be closer to 2.  You barely fit in 18 month clothes, which your big brother didn't do until halfway through the winter.  I have tons of winter clothes that I don't think you'll ever wear, because I expect you'll probably outgrow them before it is cold enough to wear them.

Your physical growth is likely a result of all of the food you eat.  And boy, can you eat.  I find myself taking a lot of photos of you eating, because it is just crazy sometimes the things you'll eat and how you eat them.  A couple of weeks ago, I had baked chicken breasts for dinner.  We cut up part of one for you and put it on your plate, but you refused to eat it.  You just kept pointing at the tray that held the remaining chicken that no one had claimed yet.  So, we gave you an entire chicken breast that wasn't cut up, and you ate it.  Your initial approach of putting on your fork didn't work for long, so you eventually just picked it up and took bites off of it.  I appreciate that you wanted to use our silverware, but I hope you'll figure out soon that using silverware is easier when your food it bite sized.

In addition to your physical growth is your continued intellectual growth. Every day you surprise us with new words.  Just yesterday you mastered saying "Nemo" and "Buffett," the names of your Nana and Papa's dogs.  You've gotten past calling all motor vehicles boats and now say "car" in reference to cars and trucks.  I think you're still learning what some of the words you say mean, as you continue to call Stella both Stella and Jack.  I think that in your mind, Jack means dog.  It's not surprising that so many of your words revolve around animals though, because you love animals.  If we see a dog at the park, you immediately start squealing with delight and clapping your hands.  You continue to b extremely gentle with them, but your high-pitched squeals don't always put them at ease.

You continue to adore both of your siblings.  Audrey still babies you while Barrett has started to play with you like a rough boy.  Sometimes you like it, but sometimes you really don't.  They've also found that you aren't always the best playmate, and will sometimes try to keep you out of their rooms so you won't mess up their toys.  You don't care for that very much, because you just love to be around your big siblings.

You've really start to play a lot more than you used to.  It's still more parallel play than interactive play, but it's clear that you're learning more and more each day.  You love looking at books, playing with legos, playing "hockey" (which is just using a small hockey stick to push around a tennis ball), and you love blocks.   Oh, and did I mention that you slobber constantly?

You also have a newfound fascination with shoes.  You really like putting your shoes on and taking them off.  You also love playing in mommy and daddy's shoes.  You'll play with your siblings shoes as well, but given the choice, you go for the biggest shoes available.  You do your best to shuffle around in them, acting like a big boy.

You're also infatuated with the vacuum  cleaner.  We have to store it in the garage most of the time now, because you will go into the closet and either sit in there with it or get it out of the closet all by yourself.  You then proceed to push it around the house making vacuum cleaner noises.

You've reached that age where many things cause you to erupt in a tantrum out of frustration.  If someone says "no" to you, immediate you fall to the ground crying the biggest alligator tears possible and screaming at the top of your lungs.  This also occurs when someone leaves against your will or takes away food that you were planning to eat.

I am so glad that you're a part of our family.  People often ask me how it is having 3 kids.  I tell them it's crazy, busy, and wonderful.  I can't imagine our family without you. You're growing fast, and I am so exited to see your little personality emerge.  I love you lots my little Fletchy Fletch.

Faith and Prayer

There has been so much going on these past few weeks.  There have been several moments when I just didn't know how I was going to make it through.  I have been broken, tired, and lost.  Each time, I would turn the only place I new, God.  I would pray; I prayed for what I could only describe as miracles in those moments.  In all of those moments, I had faith that God could do what I was asking.  I never doubted his ability for a moment.  But if I am honest, I did doubt his will.  Why?  Because I knew he knows my heart.  And while I was asking him, I was still asking for me.  I didn't want to struggle anymore.  I was turning to God because I was worn out.

I teach Sunday school every other week to a group of rambunctious 2nd graders.  I have 2 co-teachers, but I still leave church on those Sundays exhausted after wrangling 20 kids for 1.5 hours.  Today, however, I also left completely humbled.  When we asked for things we wanted to praise God for, one little girl said she wanted to praise God that her little brother was in heaven with Jesus.  BAM!  That's right...a 7 year old just spoke God's truth in the way only a child can.

Because I am an adult, it didn't hit me right away.  I had the initial tinge of pain in my heart for this little girl.  But it wasn't until later this morning that I really heard what God was trying to tell me.  This little girl was putting God first.  She was praising God for the love, hope, and peace he gives us.  She wasn't asking him for anything.  She wasn't thinking of how she felt or what it meant for her.  She was only thinking about how awesome it is that God cares enough about her brother to let him sit by his side for all eternity.  BAM!  Moreover, she wasn't trying to be God's voice to me in that moment.  She was just doing what God was calling her to do.

So, as I enter this week, my goal is to stop asking and stop trying to control.  I aim to focus on God his glory, and his will.  My struggles are temporary, but he is eternal. No matter what or how much I do, God is God.  I am not.  When I turn to him out of a lack of options, that isn't true faith.  I desire to have true faith...faith like a child.

"And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." ~ Matthew 18:3

Missing Jackson Lee

On July 7, 2004, Billy and I drove from Columbia toward St. Louis.  We were meeting my mom and brother at Mid-Rivers mall so we could pick up a dress I needed for the sorority convention I was going to that next week.  We were also going to do some shopping, because I worked at Dillard's and my mom wanted to take advantage of my discount.  We were walking around the mall when we saw a bunch of puppies in the front window of the pet store.  All of them but one were some sort of terriers.  The last one was a little black cocker spaniel.

Now, I know that is the worst place to buy a pet, but I also know that God put that little puppy in our path. So, about an hour later, we walked out to our car with that little puppy trotting along on a leash like he'd known us his whole life.  Looking back, those 10 weeks he spent without us were nothing compared to the 13 years he spent with us.  He was the best natured dog I've ever met.  He loved people, got along well with other dogs, didn't bark really at all, and was loyal to the end. 

Jackson Lee was a full-blooded English Cocker Spaniel with AKC papers and everything.  His coat was considered blue, although when his hair got long it just looked black with some gray spots. His hair got long a lot in those early years too because we were moving around a lot.  When we got him, we were both in college.  He lived with Billy at the KA house in Rolla for a semester, and then moved to Columbia with me for the spring semester while I went to grad school. 

After that, he spent 9 months in Peoria with Billy (coming to Columbia twice a month in between) before we made it to St. Louis.  First we were in an apartment, and then the Marquette condo.  At the Marquette, Jack had to learn to do his business on Astroturf.  Then we were in a duplex for about 9 months before settling in our current house almost 5 years ago.  If you do the math, that means Jack was 8 before he had a yard with a fence.  I think that was made up for by all of the time Jack got to spend at the lakes.

Jack loved being on the water.  He loved riding on the boat, especially when he could get up front and let the wind blow back his ears.  He also loved swimming, at least until he got older.  The part I think he liked most about visiting both Lake O and Greenville was the wide open yards where he could just run.  He loved to run back and forth across the yards as fast as he could.  He especially loved it when we would throw a ball as far as we could so he could retrieve it and bring it back.  That dog would never stop playing fetch.  We'd have to hide the ball because our arms were tired before he would quit.  After we got Stella, the two of them would go charging around the yards; you couldn't really call it a race though once Stella was full grown, because she was always faster.

While playing fetch was Jack's favorite activity, he also liked catching balls we threw up in the air.  I taught him how to do that when he lived with me in Columbia by throwing him popcorn.  I'd sit on the couch eating popcorn and watching a movie, and he's sit in the floor waiting for me to toss him pieces of popcorn.  Over time, he got better and better until he almost never missed.

Even though Jack was a dog, it was so clear just how much he loved us.  He knew I was pregnant before I did every time.  He would follow me around and wouldn't let me out of his sight.  Any time I was sick or not feeling well, he was always snuggling up with me on the couch.  He was my protector, and when the children came, he was theirs too.  With Audrey especially, he wouldn't let her out of his sight.  He'd sit on the end of our bed and watch her sleep in her pack'n'play.  He would whine when she cried to let us know we needed to hurry up and help her.  Once, my mom took her car seat and went to put it in the car, and Jack was determined to go too.  We had to carry him back into the house because he wasn't about to let that baby out of his sight. 

With Barrett and Fletcher, Jack was more used to the routine, but just as protective.  He never snapped at any of them, even when they were mean to him; he lived to keep them safe.  He loved them dearly.  He loved them so much that he didn't even care that he got considerably less attention than he did before they were born.  He just enjoyed the much slower version of fetch that comes along with toddlers throwing the ball instead of an adult.

Jack really slowed down this past year, but he was so good natured, he never made a bit deal about it.  He had a servant spirit and served up to the end.  Sunday night, he laid with us in bed.  We cuddled him and petted him, not knowing that would be the last evening we'd spend with him.  I am so thankful for those moments.  We knew he didn't have long left, but we weren't expecting him to go as quickly as he did.  Within a few hours, he was at peace.

Jackson...Jack...Jack Jack, we miss you so much.  You were our first baby, my Sunday afternoon snuggle buddy, our nighttime foot warmer, our prancing puppy, our protector and loyal friend.  I am so grateful that you chose us to be your family and gave us so many wonderful years.  I know we'll never have another dog as wonderful as you.  

Jackson Lee Nance 

April 26, 2004 - September 10, 2017