Another Year in the Record Books

The past months have brought a lot of change, both good and bad, in our lives.  We lost our beloved Jackson.  I started a new job.  Audrey and Barrett have continued to add activities to the daily routine, and each of our children has continued to grow and mature.  As I celebrate my birthday today, I have found myself looking back even further these last few months to my early and mid twenties.  My thoughts have been going back to the time when Billy and I were newly married, I was starting my career, and children were still only a thought.  There is so much I thought I knew.  I know better than that now; in fact, now I'd say I think I know very little....at least compared to what I thought I knew then. 

As I look back 10 years from now, there are a few things that I want to make sure I remember.  I am going to record them here for all to see.  Then, 10 years from now I can evaluate just how they've withstood the test of time. So, here are the three things I would've told myself 10 years ago and that I hope to live out daily over the next 10 years.

1. Love yourself, but Love God More.  This seems simple.  But there is so much wrapped up in the meaning of these words.  10 years ago, I spent a lot of time trying to make myself better.  I focused on things like: looking better, doing better work than my peers, getting in better shape, being a better wife. These things may seem innocent enough, but my motives weren't.  Why did I want to be better?  Because I wanted the people around me to see how well I was doing.  I wanted them to like me, approve of me, and love me for it.  I didn't accept my human-ness.  I didn't take joy in who God had made me to be.  I loved the approval of the world more than I loved myself.  And God...I loved God, but I lived more for the approval of the world than I did for the glory of God.  My actions and motives were primarily driven my love of the world and desire to cement my place in it. And because the world preaches self-love, that came second.  God came third.  Since then, I have learned the freedom of putting aside the teachings of this world.  I have learned to appreciate who I am and focus on my opportunities to grow instead of my shortcomings. I have found the joy of laughing at my mistakes and the peace in trying to love others the way God loves them instead of judging them against the world's standards.  That is what happens when you learn to love yourself, but love God more.
2. Never hesitate to give or receive grace.  This one is a little tougher to accept at first glance.  I am sure there at some who would argue the truth of this statement.  But, the more of life I experience, the more I realize just how necessary this is.  Like many of you, I am my own worst critic.  And, when I am low, I often find I pick myself apart, give in to self-doubt, and just fall lower still.  In those moments, I find it nearly impossible to give myself grace.  But often, it's even harder to accept grace from others.  It seems impossible that someone else would be willing to look past the shortcomings that I refuse to accept. Yet, receiving that grace gives hope.  It revives me.  It gives me life.  Not because it comes from that person but because it comes from God.  And, when I give grace, I breath that same life into others.  Granted, some people take it for granted.  Sometimes I do too.  But the more grace becomes a normal part of who I am and how I act, the more of God's light I can reflect for others to see.  
3. Being honest with yourself and others builds both humility and confidence.  Honesty is the best policy...at least that's what they say. Then why is it so hard sometimes?  Personally, I find it most difficult to be honest with myself.  We all have those stories that we build in our minds; they are based on truth, but then we start to mix in assumptions, hearsay, and half-truths.  We end up with a muddled mess that tears others down along with us.  People get hurt because we've started to believe this story that isn't completely true.  We get hurt because of what we think other people are saying and doing.  When we're honest with both ourselves and others, it replaces assumptions with facts. It eliminates hearsay.  It chops off the part of the half-truth that isn't. We grow in humility, because we see ourselves and the world around us for what it is and what it isn't.  We can more easily recognize our mistakes for what they are and focus on recovering from them instead of covering them up.  And that awareness brings confidence.  We no longer have to try to be something we're not, because we've already admitted to ourselves and the world the truth.  That allows us to focus on growing and developing those things we're good at.