Faith and Prayer

There has been so much going on these past few weeks.  There have been several moments when I just didn't know how I was going to make it through.  I have been broken, tired, and lost.  Each time, I would turn the only place I new, God.  I would pray; I prayed for what I could only describe as miracles in those moments.  In all of those moments, I had faith that God could do what I was asking.  I never doubted his ability for a moment.  But if I am honest, I did doubt his will.  Why?  Because I knew he knows my heart.  And while I was asking him, I was still asking for me.  I didn't want to struggle anymore.  I was turning to God because I was worn out.

I teach Sunday school every other week to a group of rambunctious 2nd graders.  I have 2 co-teachers, but I still leave church on those Sundays exhausted after wrangling 20 kids for 1.5 hours.  Today, however, I also left completely humbled.  When we asked for things we wanted to praise God for, one little girl said she wanted to praise God that her little brother was in heaven with Jesus.  BAM!  That's right...a 7 year old just spoke God's truth in the way only a child can.

Because I am an adult, it didn't hit me right away.  I had the initial tinge of pain in my heart for this little girl.  But it wasn't until later this morning that I really heard what God was trying to tell me.  This little girl was putting God first.  She was praising God for the love, hope, and peace he gives us.  She wasn't asking him for anything.  She wasn't thinking of how she felt or what it meant for her.  She was only thinking about how awesome it is that God cares enough about her brother to let him sit by his side for all eternity.  BAM!  Moreover, she wasn't trying to be God's voice to me in that moment.  She was just doing what God was calling her to do.

So, as I enter this week, my goal is to stop asking and stop trying to control.  I aim to focus on God his glory, and his will.  My struggles are temporary, but he is eternal. No matter what or how much I do, God is God.  I am not.  When I turn to him out of a lack of options, that isn't true faith.  I desire to have true faith...faith like a child.

"And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." ~ Matthew 18:3