Our Christmas Blessings

Since we watched the live Sound of Music on TV a couple of weeks ago, Audrey has become obsessed with the songs from the show.  While staying with her Nana and Papa last week, she also got to see the original movie version, which further fueled the fire.  She sings "Do Re Mi,"  "So Long, Farewell," and "My Favorite Things" constantly.  And, she always sings at the top of her lungs.  She knows most of the words, but makes up her own when she is missing one here or there.  My personal favorite is when she says "warm holen mittens" instead of "warm woolen mittens."  In honor of the new soundtrack to our family, or at least our preschooler, I decided to write my own version of My Favorite Things to sum up our holiday stretch.  It is called Our Christmas Blessings. 

Five family parties o'er five busy days.

Cookies and wassail and ham with a glaze.

Uplifting carols you can't help but sing,

These are a few of our Christmas blessings.

Christmas Eve service.  Emmanuel. Joy.

Paper and ribbon on each gift and toy.

Wagons, dolls, castles and legos and things,

These are a few of our Christmas blessings. 

 

When kids skip naps,

My temper snaps.

When I'm overwhelmed.

I simply remember our Christmas blessings,

And then our joy will abound.

Merry Christmas! 

Deck the Halls

It is our first Christmas living in our new house!  We closed on our house December 17 of last year, which is one year ago today.  At that time, we were painting and preparing to move in over the holidays.  From the moment I walked in the front door, I wanted to wrap garland around the bannister on the staircase and put a Christmas tree in the bay window on the front of the house. 

This year, all of our holiday decorating aspirations have become reality.  We have had fun decorating, but it has been a process.  Living in the condo, we didn't have a lot of space, so we really limited the decorations.  Now that we have space, we were able to really deck the halls.  There were many trips to pick up more of this or that, but now we are enjoying the results. 

In the office, we put the artificial tree that we bought for the condo, so that you can see it through the bay window on the front of the house. 

Since we have the two-story high ceilings in the living room, you know that Billy couldn't resist putting a gi-nourmous tree in the living room.  It also had to be real; so, we ventured out to Daniken Tree Farm in Greenville and found the perfect 12.5 foot beauty. 

 

Since we don't have a truck, Bill was kind enough to drive it to St. Louis for us in the back of his truck.

 

 

Then we had to get it in the house. I can honestly say I didn't know they made tree stands that big.   Fortunately, it was wrapped, so it fit through the door with relative ease.  I can tell you that I am not looking forward to getting it out at the end of the season.

 

 

 



We unwrapped it and let it sit for a day before we decorated.  It took 100 feet of lights and 2 tubs of ornaments to complete the masterpiece.  Thanks to both of our mothers for keeping our ornaments for us all of those years so we have more than enough to go around.

 

Once the tree was complete, it towered over the living room.  So, I decided to spice up the mantle with some holiday frames and, of course, Granny Gerdes' handmade stockings.

 

From the moment I saw the staircase in our house, I wanted to wrap it in garland and ribbon for Christmas.  That wish has become a reality thanks to some garland, a lot of ribbon, and my crafty bow-making skills.

 

 

I realize that the holiday decorating is not a necessity.  It is just fun, and if it ever gets to a point where the fun is lost, I won't do it.  But, with a new house to decorate and young children who are full of wonder and delight, I will look forward to the time when I get to deck the halls with trees and garland every year! 

18 Months

This post is about a month late, but better late than never! 

Barrett, you are officially a toddler.  Mommy's baby boy is growing up, and now you're 18 months old!  You are still my bubby though; my little snuggle bug.  You cling tightly to me and lay your head on my shoulder any time you are upset or tired.  Now that it's getting cold, you like to rub my scarves between your fingers while you snuggle with me too. When I am carrying you from the car to g inside school, the store, or church, you also snuggle your head against my body.  I love that. 

You are starting to say a few words, but you understand many more than what you can say.  We can ask you to do something, and you understand what we're saying to be able to do it.  If you have something you are not supposed to have, you'll scream and throw a fit if we take it away from you.  If instead we ask you to put it away or give it to one of us or your sister, you comply obligingly.  You are also starting to understand that you can have on impact on the running of our household; you want to help out with chores.  When we're cleaning, we give you a paper towel, and you walk around wiping the tables and chairs with it.  Your favorite chore is feeding the dogs.  Any time you see that their bowls are empty, you take them to the door of the pantry where we keep the dog food.  We are trying to help you understand they only eat twice a day, but at least you take the bowls back to where they go when we ask you to do so. 

Each day you surprise us with the new words you are learning to say.  We made it until about 2 weeks ago before you learned "No."  At this point it sounds more like "nay," but the shaking head and waving arms make it clear what that means.  This past week, your new word was "happy."  One evening, we were playing in the living room with an empty box, and you just kept repeating, "Happy.  Happy.  Happy."  It made my heart smile. 

You are also learning the words for your body.  You know how to identify your head, belly, toes, feet and nose, although the only word you can actually say is toes.  You are extremely interested in dressing and undressing yourself.  You love putting your hat on or taking it off when we get home and have learned to unzip your coat.  You get mad if I take your socks off at night; you wants to do it.  One morning, I went to get you out of bed, and you had managed to get your head out of your pajama shirt, but your arms were still in it.  You were just saying, "Oh no...Mama...help."  Oh, and every time you say "oh no," I can't help but laugh.  You say it in a sing-songy voice with a certain rhythm, and you scrunch your brow and make this concerned face that is too adorable not to chuckle.  Much of the time, you don't even need to use words because your facial expressions say it all.  You are extremely expressive.  Here are a few shots of some of your different expressions.

Proud:  You got your sock off!

Mischievous:  You stole the mouse off of the computer desk. 

 

 

Concentrating hard:  Reading out loud to your sister. 

You are all boy, and sometimes when you play with the dogs, you start to get a little rough.  We remind you to use gentle touches, and you immediately start patting them lightly.  You have also started to get rougher with your sister, which sometimes includes hitting her when she is not doing what you want her to do.  We also remind you at those times to use gentle touches, which results in you patting your sister lightly on the back.  Too funny!

In our house, we can run in a circle by going down the hallway, into the kitchen, through the dining room and rounding the corner in the living room.  You and Audrey both love chasing each other around.  You are still learning to run, so your arms flail and you get lapped frequently, but that doesn't deter you one bit.  You just keep running, squealing at the top of your lungs, and laughing hysterically when one comes around the corner unexpectedly and startles you. Your Nana and Papa gave you a black truck that was Audrey's to play with. You and Audrey push each other around the house in it, while daddy and I chase close behind trying to keep you from banging into walls and doors. We sometimes spend an entire evening playing in that manner until all of our cheeks are red, and we're ready to fall into bed.

Speaking of bed, you must be one of the world's soundest sleepers.  For the 9 months that you didn't sleep more than a couple hours in a row, you now sleep from 7:30 pm until 6:30 am every night.   With all of the holiday events we've had lately, we've tried keeping you out later, but at 7:30 you know it is time for bed, and start sucking your thumb and wanting to snuggle.  I don't mind snuggling; I enjoy it more than you know.
 

Even though you are only 18 months, you already have a magnetic personality.  I think it's because you are so happy and so expressive. You smile constantly.  Even when you throw a fit, it doesn't take long afterwards before you are smiling again.  People just love being around you, including your sister, your daddy, and me. You have been such a blessing and a wonderful addition to our family.  We are so blessed that God chose you to be part of our family.  I love you bubby!

Winter Wonderland

This morning we awoke to a freshly laid lawn of snow.  It was just a couple of inches, but that was on top of sleet and snow we had yesterday, which made it packed and heavy.  As soon as we finished eating our snowflake and snowman pancakes for breakfast, we bundled up and headed into the wonderful white wilderness outside our front door (a.k.a. the park across the street from our house).  We pulled the kids around in the sled and found an awesome sledding hill; unfortunately, there wasn't enough room to stop at the bottom of it before piling into a bank of trees.  Barrett and Audrey both loved riding the sled; Audrey also found humor in falling off, but Barrett did not.

 

After we wore ourselves out sledding, we made a snowman to sit in our front yard.  He is a jolly snowman.  It is supposed to be cold the next few days, so we'll see how long he lasts. 

 

As much fun as we had playing in the snow, the best part of the day was coming inside, putting on dry clothes, and making Christmas cookies.  We made some of the basic chocolate chip to appease Billy, but we also have some gingerbread dough chilling in the fridge so we can make some gingerbread cookies when the children wake up from their naps.  It is so nice to have a lazy day at home!  

A Time for Thanks

I realize how cliché it is for me to be doing a post about giving thanks right around the time of Thanksgiving.  I think, however, that it is still an important exercise to pause and give God thanks for all the blessings in our lives.  I know I don't do that as much as I should, so I am going to take this opportunity to share just a few of the things we have to be thankful for this year.

I am thankful for my family.  I have an amazing husband who puts up with me when I am stressed out, crabby, and downright hard to live with.  I have two wonderful children that make me laugh and smile all of the time and remind me that life is more than a series of to-do lists.  I have awesome parents and in-laws who love me for who I am.  I have a pretty cool brother who I love to hang out with because we have a bond that no one else can touch.  I also have grandparents, grandparent-in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and more who are there to support us and love us.

I am thankful for our home.  It can be frustrating when I get caught up in all of the furniture I wish I had and improvements I want to make to the house.  That is when I have to stop and appreciate the fact that we have such a nice, comfortable home.  As much as I loved our condo downtown, it is nice to have so much space.  Sometimes when I am getting ready in the morning, I look around my master bath with its dual vanities and soaking tub, and I wonder how I got so lucky to have such a nice house. 

I am thankful for my job.  As stressful as it can be, I know there are a lot of people out there who would love to have a job like mine where they are growing as a person, get compensated fairly, and have such great coworkers.  I appreciate the fact that I can go to work and really feel like I am making a difference. 

I am thankful for our friends.  It is such a blessing to have friends that, no matter how far apart we are or how long it has been since we last talked, are only a phone call away when I need them.  When we go on trips together, have parties to celebrate just about everything, or just hang out, we always have a good time and laugh enough to consider it a workout.  The best part is that our families come together as well, which is why I say "our" friends and not just "my" friends.

I am thankful for our church.  We have met many great people and have gained a lot much from the teaching at Central Presbyterian Church.  What we have learned during our time there has brought Billy and I closer to God and closer to each other. 

I am thankful for our loving, faithful, and merciful God.  I probably should have put this one first, but putting it last allows me to illustrate why I am so thankful .  I frequently take God's faithfulness and love for granted.  I am not worthy of the blessings he has given me; I am a terrible, sinful person.  I hurt my family and friends who love me with my insensitivity.  I let my selfishness guide my decisions instead of my servitude.  I listen to the world instead of God.  Yet, he loves me, forgives me, and keeps pouring out his blessings in my life.  I am thankful not only that he gives me that grace, but also that I can have a relationship with him and learn more every day from his word about him and his amazing grace. 

Time for a Little Music

On August 4, 1923 an upright Steinway & Sons piano was completed in New York and shipped to Indianapolis, IN.  In the mid 1960s, my grandparents bought the piano from my grandfather's friend from IU, Lucas Wise.  The piano made it's way to Greenville, IL when my grandparents moved there in the 1970s, and resided in my grandparents house on Forest Ave. until the early 1990s, when my grandma got a new piano and gave me the old Steinway.   It moved into the finished part of our basement at our house on Willow Street where I started taking piano lessons.  When my parents move to the house on the lake in 1997, the piano moved once more into the basement.  Last month, the piano came to our house in Des Peres.  When we bought this house, I knew from the start exactly where that piano would sit.  It will probably be in that spot now until we move out of this house, which I hope isn't for many years.  The mahogany finish is crackled and worn from sitting close to a fireplace for years, but I love that about it.  That gives it character.  Ironically, that also makes it coordinate perfectly with our office furniture that is in the same room where it now resides. 

Everyone asks me now whether Audrey is going to take lessons.  That is her choice.  It would be great if she decided to do that.  Honestly though, Barrett has shown more interest in the piano than Audrey.  He is always trying to climb up on the bench so he can press the keys.  Surprisingly, he doesn't just pound on them either.  In a few years, he too will be able to make the choice to take piano lessons if he so desires.  In the meantime, we have a beautiful addition to our home as we carry on the history of a 90 year old piano. 

West County Observation #3

When you live in the city or even in the Clayton/University City area, parking space comes at a premium.  It can seem nearly impossible to find a parking spot that you don't have to pay for or walk a few blocks from your car to your final destination.  Then, if you do find a spot, the chance that there is enough space for you to get out between your car and the car next to it is almost laughable.  Moving to West County, not only is the parking easy to come by, but the spots are all SUV sized.  For someone that isn't the world's best parker, like me, that is a truly magnificent improvement. 

This past week, I have not been feeling well.  After the bizarre stomach bug that hit Billy, Barrett and I last Saturday, I quickly caught a cold, which turned into a sinus infection.  Now, I don't know about you, but when my head is full of gunk and feeling like it's about to explode, the last thing I want to do is go to the pharmacy to pick up medicine.  Living in the city, that required finding the coveted parking spot near the door of the store, unloading the kids, and navigating through the pharmacy while trying not to touch anything so as not to spread the infection in my head.  This whole ordeal could take 15 or 20 minutes.  However, in West County where the parking spots are ample, everything also has a drive through, including pharmacies.  When you feel awful and just want to go home after a long day at work, the drive through pharmacy is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  As I pulled up to the Walgreen's drive-through Thursday night, I could almost hear the angelic choirs singing all around me.  In less than 5 minutes, I had my antibiotics and was on my way, and I never had to leave the comfort of my car. 

Trick or Treat

What sparkles, waddles, and says "trick or treat?"  Why a Fashion Princess Bride and penguin of course. 

Thursday was rainy and gloomy, but that didn't dampen spirits in the Nance household.  Since it was our first Halloween in our new home, we didn't know what to expect in terms of trick or treaters.  Unfortunately, the rain made that even harder to gauge.  We have lots of leftover candy! 

The kids were absolutely adorable in their costumes.  They both got to wear them at school for a party.  Barrett's penguin ensemble was perfect, because he waddles a little when he walks anyway.  The costume just extenuated the waddle.  When we first put it on him, Audrey couldn't stop giggling.  I had to take it off of him to get her to stop.  He was just so darn cute! 

Audrey's costume is a yard sale flower girl dress.  The original intent was to have her be a bride, but as you might expect, Audrey had to put her own twist on it.  She decided that, because it has sparkles, it was a princes.  Not just any kind of princess though, a fashion princess.  The crown of flowers and veil made it so bride-like, that she did eventually settle on being a fashion princess bride. 

The biggest challenge of the night was getting both kids to hold still and look at the camera at the same time.  I didn't completely succeed, but I did at least get one decent shot with both of them in their costumes. 

Lots of Personality

While Barrett doesn't say funny things like his big sis at this point, that doesn't mean he is lacking in personality.  The only thing he is lacking is words.  Mr. B has no shortage of character, and I mean that in the worst Dennis the Menace kind of way.  He has his charm, but he also has that toddler temper.  Here are some of my favorite and not-so-favorite ways he expressed his personality.

Charming:  When Barrett waves, he puts his head above his head and waves by bending his fingers.  Everyone that sees him do it can't help but smile and wave back. 

Alarming:  Barrett doesn't particularly like walking places; he prefers to be carried.  When I do try to make him walk, he usually refuses to hold my hand and wants to walk where he wants to walk.

Charming:  Despite his recent haircut, Barrett's wispy hair continues to have a mind of its own.  I am sure the winter static will make that even worse.  Hats might be this boy's best friend.

Alarming:  Barrett still throws a fit every day when I drop him off at school.  I thought it was just moving to a new room, but it's been over 3 months, and it hasn't gotten any easier.  Some days are better than others, and the crying never lasts more than a couple of minutes.

Charming:  Barrett has a newfound love of music.  I sing to him when I am getting him ready, and when I finish the song he says "yaaaaay" and claps his hands.  He also hums to himself; I love it when he does that.  I just start humming right along.  Occasionally, he'll decide to sing to himself.  It really sounds like mumbling, but I know he is singing because he says "yaaaaay" when he is done, just like he does when I sing.

Alarming:  Barrett slobbers like crazy.  It must be a boy thing, because my brother did the same thing.  He is up to 7 teeth though, so I hope the slobbering ends soon!

 

Charming:  Barrett loves his "lovies" as I call them.  They are little fleece blankets that he carries around.  He has 2 at home and 1 at school.  Audrey took to her blanket, but I don't ever remember her being as attached to hers as Barrett is to his lovies.

Alarming:  When Barrett throws a fit, he doesn't hold anything back.  Big alligator tears roll down his face, he screams at the top of his lungs, and he often lays on the floor.  He doesn't seem to have a preference for laying on his stomach or his back.  I guess it is just however he lands. 

Charming:  Barrett wants to walk fast and run, but his little legs just aren't quite long enough yet.  When he is determined to pick up the pace, his stance gets wider and his arms work just as hard as his legs.  Since he often carries his two lovies in his hands, the lovies flail out to the sides while he pumps his arms and moves his little legs as fast as he can.  I call it his Frankenstein walk. 

Ballerina Mommy

Audrey's teachers sent this photo of her today with the following description.  I am curious to see whether her dreams come true.

"We wanted to share this picture with you because we think it is absolutely adorable. Audrey has been taking care of her "baby" by rocking it to sleep and feeding it while cuddling with it in her arms. She told us she wants to be a "ballerina mommy" when she grows up."

Thanks to Ms. Hillary and Ms. Kristin for sharing!

Ode to Expectant Moms

Last weekend, I was surrounded by friends of mine that are awaiting the birth of a child.  For some, it is their first, and for others it is their second.  The times I spent with my expectant friends reminded me of what it was like to be in their shoes.  I hope I wasn't too overbearing in sharing my own experiences.  It is just so exciting!  There is just something so miraculous and awesome about a tiny human being growing inside of its mother. 

As I talked to the first time mothers, it brought back such a flood of feelings.  I remember the anxiety; there were so many unknowns and so many questions.  Will the baby sleep well?  Will she nurse well?  Will she be healthy?  What about the delivery?  What is that like?  Is it really as painful as people say?  What if I have to get a C-section?  There is also so much excitement.  Everything is a first for you. 

Then comes the second child.  That child is no less special; they too are a gift.  While the newness is there, the firsts are not.  The anxieties are now about how the older child will react to the baby and where they will go when mommy and daddy head to the hospital.  There are still the questions about whether the delivery will go smoothly, but there is less anxiety and more anticipation.   There is still excitement, but that excitement is reflected differently.  It now shows in the eyes of a "big" as well as in the eyes of mom and dad.   

Last weekend, I really enjoyed watching three friends experiencing the excitement and anxiety in their own ways.  Every woman is different, and those differences carry over to the ways they prepare for and parent their children.  No way is right or wrong, and everyone has to do it their own way.  If you try to do it the way someone else tells you, you'll just get frustrated.  What works for one mom won't work for others, which is why I try to keep my motherly advice to a minimum.  I am not going to pretend to succeed even a majority of the time; honestly, I just love to reminisce and tell stories.

In closing, I have a message for my expectant friends.  Please know that your way of preparing for, becoming, and being a mother will be just perfect for you.  There will be challenges and surprises (whether this is baby 1 or 2), but God will guide you through all of them.  When your children see you lean on God, they too will learn to find their strength in him. 

Quotes from Audrey

Last night, we went out to dinner for Nana (Lana's) birthday.  Since it was a birthday celebration, Audrey got a piece of chocolate cake and ate almost the entire thing.  The resulting sugar rush made for a chatty little girl on the drive home.  At least twice on the drive, I found myself chuckling at what she was saying.  Here are a couple of my favorite Audrey quotes from last night.

"When you say bacon, I say YUM!"

"I don't like slow songs; I only like rock 'n' roll songs."

I Love Fall!

As the title to this post suggests, I love this time of year!  There is something so refreshing about the crisp fall air that cuts through the muggy summer heat.  I grin like a kid when I slip on my jacket before going outside, and I want to be outside all of the time.  I love having the windows open so I can hear the birds outside; even the sound of the locusts is welcomed and almost reassuring.  It all says that fall is here.  Because I want to be outside, I am taking the kids outside with me.  Yesterday we spent about an hour at the park riding bikes and climbing on the jungle gym.  That's right, we were out there for a whole hour and didn't come inside dripping with sweat.  Ahhh...fall is here!

Both of the kids absolutely love their bikes.  Audrey has gotten comfortable with riding, even on the hill that goes around the park.  She coasts down really fast, and can put on her breaks if she gets scared.  She still need to work on using the momentum she builds up to help her get back up the hill on the other side.  Next step is taking off the training wheels. 

 

Barrett likes to climb on his bike, but hasn't figured out the pedals yet.  He just wants someone to push him.  My parents came over yesterday afternoon, and my dad pushed Barrett around on his bike singing the Queen "Bicycle" song.  Barrett couldn't get enough of that. 

I hope we get a few more good weekends like this one to kick back and enjoy the outdoors.  Happy fall everyone!

Audrey Ballerina

This evening, Audrey participated in her first dance class.  It is a tap and ballet class for preschoolers.  She was apprehensive when we first got there.  The other dancers had been going for a couple of weeks, so they new the drill, but Audrey hung on to my skirt (literally) and stayed by my side until about 5 minutes into the class after she saw the other children were having fun.  They started with tap, and Audrey found a spot right in front of me so she had an easy retreat if needed.  With each tap of her foot, she got a little braver.  Throughout the tap portion, she frequently turned to look at me for reassurance.  Then, they switched into their ballet shoes, and from there on out, Audrey acted like she owned the place.  I guess she was just more comfortable with the idea of ballet than tap dancing.   She leapt, galloped, balanced and jumped along with the other children, smiling the whole time. 

It was so much fun to watch how joyful she was as she danced with her instructor and new friends.  I caught myself grinning as big as she was a few times, and quickly glanced around to make sure no one noticed.  I didn't need to worry though, because the other parents were doing the same thing.  There is just something that is to stinkin' cute about pink leotards and ballet slippers.  The little boy in the class is the cutest one of all though in his white shirt and black shorts.  I wish I could have captured some action shots, but no one else had cameras, so I felt it might be a little awkward.  I tried to do the next best thing and get some shots of Audrey dressed to impress in her dance outfit.  She did an excellent job of recreating some of the poses she learned in her class today; I promise I didn't pose her, she did that all on her own. 

Weekends at Home

I love going to the lake, spending time with family and friends, and getting to do many fun things that were not even an option when I was a kid.  I feel so blessed to have these things fill my life.  At the same time, I also appreciate sleeping in on the weekends at home, making banana pancakes, and staying in our pajamas much longer than we should.  This weekend, we got all of that and more, which was a much needed break from the constant going. 

We started by stopping by the Greentree Festival in Kirkwood Friday night.  Since we are in the Kirkwood school district, I am sure that will become an anticipated event as the kids get older.  Then we ran some errands Saturday (including haircuts) and played in the park.  Today, we went to church, made banana nut muffins (from scratch), and had a movie night complete with root beer floats.  To top it all off, the weather has been beautiful, so we've had the windows open all weekend.  It was so nice to just relax and not have a schedule to stick to or places to go.  I know Billy (my extremely extroverted husband) is probably looking forward to being back at work tomorrow so he can be around more people; I have thoroughly enjoyed this weekend though.  It was a much needed weekend at home; I am feeling refreshed and ready to face the week ahead.  It helps that I got a ton of laundry done too! 

Barrett's First Haircut

Today was an important day for our little man.  He had his first professional haircut.  We went to see Missy, the stylist who has been cutting my hair for the past three or so years and Audrey's for the past two.  Barrett's hair had gotten wildly out of control.  It is fine, whispy, and growing quickly. I had been trimming the back to prevent his hair from becoming a mullet, but lately the top has started to grow too.  He has so much more hair than Audrey had at this age.  If he was a girl, I would just let it grow.  Since he is a boy, it was time to tame the wild-man hair.

Here are a couple of pictures of him before the cut.  As you can see from the side-shot, his ears were almost completely covered with hair. 

At the salon, Barrett sat in my lap so that I could help keep him still while Missy cut his hair.  He did pretty well for the first time, but he definitely got tired of sitting still after about 10 minutes. 

Now that it is all said and done, Barrett looks handsome with his new big-boy haircut.  Note the amount of ear showing in this photo.  It is amazing how much older he looks now that he has an actual hair style. 

Wrestling with God

I have shared aspects of my struggle to balance my job and my role as a mom with some friends.  I’ve shared more of it with my mom and my husband than with most.  However, I’ve only been completely honest about my struggle with God, until now.  I hold most of it in; I don’t want to wear down my friends and family the way that I am worn down.  So why post it on the web for the world to see?  I guess I figure that no one has to read this blog, so they can stop reading if this is tiring them. 

I just spend a lot of my prayer time wrestling with God about my Mommy Guilt.  My prayers generally look something like this:

Should I keep working?  Am I supposed to bloom where I am planted or find a new pot? I mean, I’ve already missed most of my chance to be home with Audrey since she starts kindergarten in a year.  Is there any point in doing it now?  Should I have started staying home after Audrey was born? Was I not listening to you from the get go, so now we need my income to cover our expenses? Forgive me for pursuing my own interests instead of serving you; help me to get back on track.   

But, if I am going to stay home, it makes sense to do that now, righ? Then I at least get a year at home with Audrey.  So, if I am supposed to stay home, tell me, God.  Make it clear to me; help provide us the financial means to do that.  If I am supposed to work, help me shut out the Mommy Guilt; scare it away. I will do what you want me to; I will follow your path.  Just CLEARLY show me the way to go.    

Ok, God.  I realize I am giving you alternatives, and you don’t always operate with only my options in mind.  Am I supposed to do something different?  Find a different job?  Move back to an individual contributor role?  Work part time?  I am ready for any of it, if that is what you want me to do.  Just tell me.  Since we’re in Missouri, show me. 

I am sure many people could comment on the improper form of my prayer, but prayer doesn’t need to be formal.  It is a conversation with God, and this is how my side of the conversation looks. 

While in the throes of one of these conversations, my mind often wanders to the story of Jacob in Genesis 32.  Jacob wrestled with God face-to-face, and prevailed.  He wouldn’t let go until God blessed him.  He didn’t specify what or how.  He just wanted to be blessed.  Once that was done, Jacob let go.  I have been blessed already, but I continue to wrestle with God.   I guess I shouldn’t forget that Jacob got a broken hip and ended up with a limp after his wrestling match.  God wanted him to have that as a reminder of who is really in charge. 

There is obviously a lesson in that story for me.  Why else would it be so much in my mind? I keep trying to push God to give me an answer…any answer…to my questions.  I need to accept that he doesn’t want to reveal himself to me in response to those questions.  But why?  Clearly, I am seeking him more than normal because I know that I need him to help me get past the Mommy Guilt.  As much as I hate that struggle, it has brought me into God’s presence more regularly.  Maybe that is God’s plan.  He doesn’t want to break my hip and let me go.  He wants to pull me closer.   He wants me stop worrying about where I am planted and start focusing on making sure that I am growing toward him. 

Lake Time

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind.  We were at Lake O for 5 days, then I went to Kansas City for 4 days on a work trip, and then we left the next day for Lake O for another 3 days.  While all of the travel has worn on mommy, I think the kids would go back to the Lake in a heartbeat.  In the past two weeks, we've gotten to see the Shootout (including boats running over 200 mph), went on many boat rides, and ate out at several restaurants on the Lake.  We also had plenty of swimming and relaxing time mixed in there too.  Here are some of my favorite photos of our two lake trips in August.

This past week, we had to say goodbye to a dear companion.  Bill and Lana's dog Hershey passed away last Friday, and this photo was taken less than a week before that.  She was 14 years old.  Both kids loved her, and Barrett especially liked to lay on her and give her hugs.  At one point on the same day this picture was taken, Hershey was standing by the sliding door looking out at the lake, and Barrett walked over to her, put one arm over her back, and laid his head on her shoulder.  It was priceless. 

We worked in some mommy and daughter time in the hammock.  It was fun to relax together. 

 

 Barrett loves helping Papa Pat drive the boat.  In fact, he likes it so much that he gets really mad when he is removed from the driver's seat.  He also figured out how to honk the horn on the boat.  Fortunately (well, maybe sadly for my dad), the Sea Ray has a really sad horn, so it isn't so bad when Barrett constantly pushes it.  I think it sort of sounds like an alarm clock. 

On the day we took the boat to the shootout, Audrey took an entire entourage with her.  She had a pretty sweet setup in the back of the boat.  She also likes playing house down in the cabin; I guess it is pretty cool to have sort of a life-size playhouse.

 When we hang out down at the dock, Barrett loves it when we get his hose out to fill up his pool.  He has learned to put his fingers in the hose to make it spray out everywhere. 

Both kids love the wave runners.  Every day they each have to go on at least one ride.  Billy can sometimes take them both at the same time if it is smooth; I am not that talented. 

Barrett has also taken a liking to the stand ups.  Audrey rode the black one with her dad after seeing me riding last weekend.  I think, however, they both prefer to just pretend to drive the wave runners while they are on the dock. 

 

Of the 8 days we spent at the Lake, it only rained one day.  That was this past Sunday.  It was a crazy storm, but Barrett managed to fall asleep once the rain settled down. 

Since holiday weekends tend to be very busy at Lake O, we spent a lot of time on Labor Day weekend hanging out at the dock to avoid adding to the rough waters by venturing out by boat.  We spent a lot of time with the neighbors (The Dippels and Pabolos).  In fact, we spent so much time with them, that they started influencing Papa Bill's fashion sense. 

 

Audrey and Logan are only one year apart in age, and they love hanging out together. Every morning one of them ventures over to the other's house to say hi, and they are practically inseparable from there.  Audrey has even gotten really good at figuring out who has better food and choosing where she eats lunch. she has also been known to eat several breakfasts; one morning after eating in the house and with Grandma Rosie on the boat, Audrey invited herself to have breakfast next door as well for a total of three breakfasts.  As long as the neighbors don't mind Audrey eating their food, I foresee many more fun summers of swimming together between the docks in our future.