New England Vacation

This year, Billy and I went on vacation alone and the children stayed with our parents.  It has been a whirlwind, but it was a lot of fun.  We were in Connecticut for my friend Julie's wedding, and then took a few days to tour some other cities on the east coast.  This was the longest the two of us had been away from the children, and by the end of the time, I was ready to see them.  Audrey is at an age now where she doesn't change as much in shorter periods of time, but Barrett still does.  He is talking so much now and making progress with the potty training.  The kids got to spend most of the time at the Lake swimming and playing though, so I don't think they really minded that much.

Despite missing the children, we had a great time.  We were able to reconnect with friends and not feel rushed by bed time or just antsy kiddos.  I needed some time with my sorority sisters, and I am glad to say that I got it.  We also had a lot of great seafood.  I think there was one whole day where I had lobster every meal :) We found out that there are people in this world that think root beer is an acceptable substitute for Dr. Pepper (which, by the way, it is not).  We also realized that it is ok to go to bed early when we're on vacation and don't have the kids with us.  The best part of the trip though was spending time with my hubby.  We haven't had much time lately to just enjoy being together and not worrying about logistics or to do lists.  So, all in all, it was a great trip. 

I have tons of pictures, but I'll just post a few of my favorites here. 

Hugs

Some days we just need hug.  Today was one of those days for me.  Fortunately, God has blessed me with wonderful people that surround me and send me hugs when I need them.  It is truly amazing how God works through other people and how his timing is so perfect. 

Today, as I was leaving work feeling completely beat down, inadequate, and tired, I saw an email from my mom with the subject Hug.  At first I thought it was spam, but thankfully it wasn't. I was so touched by the "hug" that my mom sent me today that I wanted to share it here.  Thank you mom!


I read your blog and I have been there.  You once said that you now understood why I stayed at my job for so long.  I was able to find a balance.  A balance that worked for me.  Would it have worked for everyone? No.  Will the balance that you find work for everyone? No.  We are each different and so are our children.  The path God has for us is customized.  No one else gets to travel it the whole way except for me and God.  Others may travel with me for a while, or may travel some parts of it before or after me, but it is my path.  God knows the struggles we must face in order to become who He made us to be.  I would like to tell you not to make the same mistakes that I made, but who am I to decide what would be considered mistakes for you?   I once told Dr. McCracken that I was tired all the time and lacked energy.  He told me I was a working mother and being tired and lacking energy was just part of it.  Not what I expected. 

You have a week of time off coming up.  Go and enjoy your husband and your friends.  Work will go on. If things are a mess, chances are they will still be a mess and maybe even a bigger one when you get back.  Deal with it then.  You won’t miss out on the fun of cleaning it up.  Let it go.  Easy to say.  Hard to do. 

I was never able to control every part of my children’s lives.  I tried to build a good foundation.  I left you guys with your dad, grandparents and relatives and you both grew up and grew into who you are despite all the junk food, tv and other stuff that you were exposed to.  I couldn’t be at every school function, sporting event, or whatever else you guys were into.  I sent you to a far away gymnastics meet with the Blunts.  I felt so bad and then they took a wrong turn and had to back track to bring you home.  Don’t know why that popped into my head.

I just wanted to reach out and give you a hug and let you know that for what it is worth, I think you are doing a fantastic job as a working mother.

Summer Blues

We live in a great community with a wonderful school district.  The children that my children go to school with have parents who are very engaged in their lives.  That means there are great PTO organizations, tons of parents that volunteer in the classrooms, and people to help out at field day and other special events.  I appreciate everything those people do, because I am often not available to help. 

I do my best to provide support, and my husband steps in to help even more than I do.  So, I figure that between us, we've got it covered.  I say that primarily to reassure myself, because I have struggled a lot with that throughout this past school year.  I am jealous of those other parents that are able to be more present at school.  I realize that most of them have made sacrifices in order for that to be the case, and I am sure there are days where they envy me in some way.  But, I am human, so the mommy guilt creeps in, and I begin to envy the time they spend participating in those activities at our children's school. 

As we neared summer break (really it was still winter and there was snow on the ground), I started to worry about what Audrey would do during the summer, because this was the first summer she isn't in daycare.  I kept pushing the envy out of my mind and tried not to think about the fact that my friends who are teachers or stayed home with their children did not have to worry about this task.  Naturally, I created a spreadsheet (color coded, of course), vetted the options, aligned schedules, and created a plan so that Audrey would be cared for each day from when school let out for the summer until it resumed in the fall.  As we neared the end of the school year, I started to get nervous for her.  She had such a rough time with the transition to kindergarten; I had no idea how the summer would go. 

When the day came for her to start her first day at summer camp, I was incredibly nervous.  I didn't want her to notice, so I played it off.  I talked about all of the cool things she would do and all of the friends she would make.  Secretly, I was praying that she would know some of the other kids and that she would think the activities were cool and not lame.  When I dropped her off that first day, she admitted she was nervous, and clung to me for a few minutes.  However, we found another boy she knew from school, and she soon forgot I was still there.  When I picked her up that day, she was so excited.  I couldn't get her to stop talking about how much fun she'd had.  My worries had been put to rest...so why didn't I feel better?

Audrey has continued to do well at camp and seems to be enjoying it immensely.  But every time I get a message from another parent wanting to set up a mid-day play date or to take Audrey to the pool, my heart sinks.  I am so grateful that they are reaching out and trying to include her.  However, I feel like the biggest heel because she is at camp, I am at work, and she cannot play with her friends because I can't leave work to take her.  The jealousy starts tugging at my heart again.  I remind myself of the many fun things we do as a family during the summer on the weekends.  It is not that my children are deprived of those typical summer activities.  In fact, they probably get to see more of their friends during the summer than the children whose parents are at home with them. But, it still bothers me that I am absent from all of those memories they're making. 

This post is getting long, and I realize that I need to close it out.   I like to try to end on a positive note but don't know how, because my heart is still struggling to shut out the envy.  So, I will continue to pray that God will use my struggle for his glory.  I pray he will give me peace and guide me to his good and perfect will for my life and that of my children. 

3 Years Old

I am a couple of weeks behind on this blog post, but better late than never!

The past three years have flown by.  I mean, I barely remember most of the first year, because Barrett wasn't sleeping through the night.  Still, his first birthday seems like just yesterday.  Then, he was my baby.  Now, he is my child.  He has lost most of his round, baby shape.  Heck, he has more defined calves than I do.  But some things haven't changed, like his infectious smile and his amazing snuggles. Barrett is and has always been the most joyful child, and he has brought us so much pure joy because of it.  There are so many times that seeing his smiling face and feeling his little arms stretch around me lift me out of whatever bad mood I am in. 

Just these past few months, we've seen Barrett really start to make that transition into a full-fledged pre-schooler.  His vocabulary is growing so fast that he often surprises us by words that he knows.  He still has those that he doesn't pronounce so well; my favorite is coup-sase (which means suitcase). His favorite words are hot dog and poopy, which I attribute to his gender and our ongoing struggles to get him to poop in the potty.  I've got to give him credit though, he uses those words in some creative ways.  That, of course, drives his sister crazy, which just encourages him to do it more.

Barrett loves to drive his sister crazy, but it is only because he loves her and looks up to her.  Like any kid brother, he shows it in strange ways, but he wants to do everything his sister does.  In fact, he is starting dance class this week.  There is a preschool one that he can take at the same time as Audrey's, so we signed him up.  I am not sure who is more excited about this either, Barrett or his sister.  He has so much energy, that at least this should help him burn some of it off. 

Speaking of energy, where do little boys get all of their energy from?  Oh, wait, it's all of the food they eat.  I swear that by the time Barrett is 16, he is going to eat us out of house and home.  Barrett will literally just run around the house.  The loop from the kitchen, though the dining room to the living room makes the perfect track.  Sometimes I join him, because I know I need the workout, but he has a lot more endurance than I do. He wants to play hockey too (to no one's surprise), and at first I was a little leery, but now I will sign him up for just about anything that will wear him out.  He has to be 4 to play around here, so I guess we'll just keep playing track in the house for the next year. 

It has been so much fun these past three years to watch Barrett grow, learn, and become his own little person.  I can't wait to see the person he is becoming continue to mature, even if it means he isn't the baby he once was.