I Love Fall!

As the title to this post suggests, I love this time of year!  There is something so refreshing about the crisp fall air that cuts through the muggy summer heat.  I grin like a kid when I slip on my jacket before going outside, and I want to be outside all of the time.  I love having the windows open so I can hear the birds outside; even the sound of the locusts is welcomed and almost reassuring.  It all says that fall is here.  Because I want to be outside, I am taking the kids outside with me.  Yesterday we spent about an hour at the park riding bikes and climbing on the jungle gym.  That's right, we were out there for a whole hour and didn't come inside dripping with sweat.  Ahhh...fall is here!

Both of the kids absolutely love their bikes.  Audrey has gotten comfortable with riding, even on the hill that goes around the park.  She coasts down really fast, and can put on her breaks if she gets scared.  She still need to work on using the momentum she builds up to help her get back up the hill on the other side.  Next step is taking off the training wheels. 

 

Barrett likes to climb on his bike, but hasn't figured out the pedals yet.  He just wants someone to push him.  My parents came over yesterday afternoon, and my dad pushed Barrett around on his bike singing the Queen "Bicycle" song.  Barrett couldn't get enough of that. 

I hope we get a few more good weekends like this one to kick back and enjoy the outdoors.  Happy fall everyone!

Audrey Ballerina

This evening, Audrey participated in her first dance class.  It is a tap and ballet class for preschoolers.  She was apprehensive when we first got there.  The other dancers had been going for a couple of weeks, so they new the drill, but Audrey hung on to my skirt (literally) and stayed by my side until about 5 minutes into the class after she saw the other children were having fun.  They started with tap, and Audrey found a spot right in front of me so she had an easy retreat if needed.  With each tap of her foot, she got a little braver.  Throughout the tap portion, she frequently turned to look at me for reassurance.  Then, they switched into their ballet shoes, and from there on out, Audrey acted like she owned the place.  I guess she was just more comfortable with the idea of ballet than tap dancing.   She leapt, galloped, balanced and jumped along with the other children, smiling the whole time. 

It was so much fun to watch how joyful she was as she danced with her instructor and new friends.  I caught myself grinning as big as she was a few times, and quickly glanced around to make sure no one noticed.  I didn't need to worry though, because the other parents were doing the same thing.  There is just something that is to stinkin' cute about pink leotards and ballet slippers.  The little boy in the class is the cutest one of all though in his white shirt and black shorts.  I wish I could have captured some action shots, but no one else had cameras, so I felt it might be a little awkward.  I tried to do the next best thing and get some shots of Audrey dressed to impress in her dance outfit.  She did an excellent job of recreating some of the poses she learned in her class today; I promise I didn't pose her, she did that all on her own. 

Weekends at Home

I love going to the lake, spending time with family and friends, and getting to do many fun things that were not even an option when I was a kid.  I feel so blessed to have these things fill my life.  At the same time, I also appreciate sleeping in on the weekends at home, making banana pancakes, and staying in our pajamas much longer than we should.  This weekend, we got all of that and more, which was a much needed break from the constant going. 

We started by stopping by the Greentree Festival in Kirkwood Friday night.  Since we are in the Kirkwood school district, I am sure that will become an anticipated event as the kids get older.  Then we ran some errands Saturday (including haircuts) and played in the park.  Today, we went to church, made banana nut muffins (from scratch), and had a movie night complete with root beer floats.  To top it all off, the weather has been beautiful, so we've had the windows open all weekend.  It was so nice to just relax and not have a schedule to stick to or places to go.  I know Billy (my extremely extroverted husband) is probably looking forward to being back at work tomorrow so he can be around more people; I have thoroughly enjoyed this weekend though.  It was a much needed weekend at home; I am feeling refreshed and ready to face the week ahead.  It helps that I got a ton of laundry done too! 

Barrett's First Haircut

Today was an important day for our little man.  He had his first professional haircut.  We went to see Missy, the stylist who has been cutting my hair for the past three or so years and Audrey's for the past two.  Barrett's hair had gotten wildly out of control.  It is fine, whispy, and growing quickly. I had been trimming the back to prevent his hair from becoming a mullet, but lately the top has started to grow too.  He has so much more hair than Audrey had at this age.  If he was a girl, I would just let it grow.  Since he is a boy, it was time to tame the wild-man hair.

Here are a couple of pictures of him before the cut.  As you can see from the side-shot, his ears were almost completely covered with hair. 

At the salon, Barrett sat in my lap so that I could help keep him still while Missy cut his hair.  He did pretty well for the first time, but he definitely got tired of sitting still after about 10 minutes. 

Now that it is all said and done, Barrett looks handsome with his new big-boy haircut.  Note the amount of ear showing in this photo.  It is amazing how much older he looks now that he has an actual hair style. 

Wrestling with God

I have shared aspects of my struggle to balance my job and my role as a mom with some friends.  I’ve shared more of it with my mom and my husband than with most.  However, I’ve only been completely honest about my struggle with God, until now.  I hold most of it in; I don’t want to wear down my friends and family the way that I am worn down.  So why post it on the web for the world to see?  I guess I figure that no one has to read this blog, so they can stop reading if this is tiring them. 

I just spend a lot of my prayer time wrestling with God about my Mommy Guilt.  My prayers generally look something like this:

Should I keep working?  Am I supposed to bloom where I am planted or find a new pot? I mean, I’ve already missed most of my chance to be home with Audrey since she starts kindergarten in a year.  Is there any point in doing it now?  Should I have started staying home after Audrey was born? Was I not listening to you from the get go, so now we need my income to cover our expenses? Forgive me for pursuing my own interests instead of serving you; help me to get back on track.   

But, if I am going to stay home, it makes sense to do that now, righ? Then I at least get a year at home with Audrey.  So, if I am supposed to stay home, tell me, God.  Make it clear to me; help provide us the financial means to do that.  If I am supposed to work, help me shut out the Mommy Guilt; scare it away. I will do what you want me to; I will follow your path.  Just CLEARLY show me the way to go.    

Ok, God.  I realize I am giving you alternatives, and you don’t always operate with only my options in mind.  Am I supposed to do something different?  Find a different job?  Move back to an individual contributor role?  Work part time?  I am ready for any of it, if that is what you want me to do.  Just tell me.  Since we’re in Missouri, show me. 

I am sure many people could comment on the improper form of my prayer, but prayer doesn’t need to be formal.  It is a conversation with God, and this is how my side of the conversation looks. 

While in the throes of one of these conversations, my mind often wanders to the story of Jacob in Genesis 32.  Jacob wrestled with God face-to-face, and prevailed.  He wouldn’t let go until God blessed him.  He didn’t specify what or how.  He just wanted to be blessed.  Once that was done, Jacob let go.  I have been blessed already, but I continue to wrestle with God.   I guess I shouldn’t forget that Jacob got a broken hip and ended up with a limp after his wrestling match.  God wanted him to have that as a reminder of who is really in charge. 

There is obviously a lesson in that story for me.  Why else would it be so much in my mind? I keep trying to push God to give me an answer…any answer…to my questions.  I need to accept that he doesn’t want to reveal himself to me in response to those questions.  But why?  Clearly, I am seeking him more than normal because I know that I need him to help me get past the Mommy Guilt.  As much as I hate that struggle, it has brought me into God’s presence more regularly.  Maybe that is God’s plan.  He doesn’t want to break my hip and let me go.  He wants to pull me closer.   He wants me stop worrying about where I am planted and start focusing on making sure that I am growing toward him. 

Lake Time

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind.  We were at Lake O for 5 days, then I went to Kansas City for 4 days on a work trip, and then we left the next day for Lake O for another 3 days.  While all of the travel has worn on mommy, I think the kids would go back to the Lake in a heartbeat.  In the past two weeks, we've gotten to see the Shootout (including boats running over 200 mph), went on many boat rides, and ate out at several restaurants on the Lake.  We also had plenty of swimming and relaxing time mixed in there too.  Here are some of my favorite photos of our two lake trips in August.

This past week, we had to say goodbye to a dear companion.  Bill and Lana's dog Hershey passed away last Friday, and this photo was taken less than a week before that.  She was 14 years old.  Both kids loved her, and Barrett especially liked to lay on her and give her hugs.  At one point on the same day this picture was taken, Hershey was standing by the sliding door looking out at the lake, and Barrett walked over to her, put one arm over her back, and laid his head on her shoulder.  It was priceless. 

We worked in some mommy and daughter time in the hammock.  It was fun to relax together. 

 

 Barrett loves helping Papa Pat drive the boat.  In fact, he likes it so much that he gets really mad when he is removed from the driver's seat.  He also figured out how to honk the horn on the boat.  Fortunately (well, maybe sadly for my dad), the Sea Ray has a really sad horn, so it isn't so bad when Barrett constantly pushes it.  I think it sort of sounds like an alarm clock. 

On the day we took the boat to the shootout, Audrey took an entire entourage with her.  She had a pretty sweet setup in the back of the boat.  She also likes playing house down in the cabin; I guess it is pretty cool to have sort of a life-size playhouse.

 When we hang out down at the dock, Barrett loves it when we get his hose out to fill up his pool.  He has learned to put his fingers in the hose to make it spray out everywhere. 

Both kids love the wave runners.  Every day they each have to go on at least one ride.  Billy can sometimes take them both at the same time if it is smooth; I am not that talented. 

Barrett has also taken a liking to the stand ups.  Audrey rode the black one with her dad after seeing me riding last weekend.  I think, however, they both prefer to just pretend to drive the wave runners while they are on the dock. 

 

Of the 8 days we spent at the Lake, it only rained one day.  That was this past Sunday.  It was a crazy storm, but Barrett managed to fall asleep once the rain settled down. 

Since holiday weekends tend to be very busy at Lake O, we spent a lot of time on Labor Day weekend hanging out at the dock to avoid adding to the rough waters by venturing out by boat.  We spent a lot of time with the neighbors (The Dippels and Pabolos).  In fact, we spent so much time with them, that they started influencing Papa Bill's fashion sense. 

 

Audrey and Logan are only one year apart in age, and they love hanging out together. Every morning one of them ventures over to the other's house to say hi, and they are practically inseparable from there.  Audrey has even gotten really good at figuring out who has better food and choosing where she eats lunch. she has also been known to eat several breakfasts; one morning after eating in the house and with Grandma Rosie on the boat, Audrey invited herself to have breakfast next door as well for a total of three breakfasts.  As long as the neighbors don't mind Audrey eating their food, I foresee many more fun summers of swimming together between the docks in our future.