Letting Go

Barrett started at Downtown Children's Center yesterday just like his big sister.  It was bittersweet.  He did exceedingly well; the teachers said it was the best first day one of their babies has had in a long time.  He even slept like a champ last night.  When I dropped him off today, he was grinning before I could even get him out of the car seat.  He loves school.  I know this is good, but part of me wants to hold on to the days we've had at home when I was the only one that could make him grin like that.  It is only the first of many times I will have to let go, and it is really the smallest release I'll have in his life.  They still feed him the milk that I make, follow the schedule I say, and I can go get him whenever I want. That doesn't make it easier though, because I know it is just the beginning.  Soon I'll be letting him make his own choices about small things, and then bigger ones until he is an independent adult. 

I know I've said this before with Audrey, but it is so true. God has given me the gift of getting to raise one of His future adults.  I was not given this amazing opportunity to help Barrett maintain his baby-ness.  I am called to teach him God's ways, help him learn to make good choices, and let him go to follow the path that God has laid for him.  Leaving Barrett at DCC while I work during the day is only a small step, but it is only the first of many times I will be letting go of my motherly control. At least God starts small and builds us up for the more difficult times.  He let's us grow along with our children so that we are strong enough to let go when needed.