Eating Out

Sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day, I don’t stop to think about what is really happening.  That is why from time to time, little exchanges with my children catch me off guard as they remind me that they are growing up in a world that is vastly different from the one where we were raised.  Many parts of this world are scary, so I consider them worse than when I was a child.  Other parts are not better or worse; they are just different.  Some of the differences have more to do with our geographical location than the changing times; being in a city affords much more diversity of people and activities than a rural setting like Greenville. 

Audrey brought me back to this line of thinking a couple of days ago.  We were driving home after a day of work/school, and we called Billy to determine our plans for the evening.  You see, we had gotten back from the Lake the previous day and went to see our friends The Hoenigs for dinner.  So, we didn’t really have anything to make for dinner at home.  After a short discussion, we determined that we would go out to eat.  I hung up the phone, and Audrey immediately started in with questions.  I guess that is part of being three.  She asks questions, primarily “Why?” and continues doing so until we change subjects, distract her, or tell her to stop asking questions.  After answering her questions, I decided to direct a question back at her to put an end to the questions. 

“What would you like to eat for dinner?” I asked. 

Her response was short and simple.  “Let's go to Bread Co.   I want Mac’n’Cheese.” 

I was immediately taken aback.  I was shocked that she had deduced from her line of questioning that we were going out to eat; so when she answered my question she knew to respond with both a restaurant and a meal choice.  I know that she is observant, but she is not just watching, she is also connecting the dots. 

My shock quickly turned to questioning.  Do we eat out too much?  Do we go to St. Louis Bread Company (Panera for you out of towners) that often?  Is this healthy, or are we teaching her bad habits by eating out as much as we do? 

As I mulled over these questions, I slowly came to the point of comparing my upbringing with the way I am raising my children.  When I was a child, eating out was a luxury that did not occur frequently.  I think that was primarily due to the fact that there were not many restaurants to go to in and around Greenville, but eating out is also more expensive and often less healthy.

That lead me back to the question of whether our habit of eating out from time to time is one of those changes for the worse or if it is just different.   I know it is a balance.  Right now, as I return to work and we adjust to life with 2 children, we are trying to achieve balance with all of these new variables thrown in.  It is a constant struggle to stay in balance, but this is where I have to turn once more to our heavenly Father.  Whether the current world is better, worse, or the same as when I was a child doesn't matter.  What matters is how we live now, and that we live for God.  I will never be a perfect parent, and my children will never be perfect people. But that doesn't matter either, because that is not God's plan for us.  He knows we are imperfect, sinful humans and that we will stumble, make bad choices, and fail to deserve his loving grace time and again.  The beauty is that he loves us anyway.  If we live for him, as much as we mess up, God will always offer us his grace and help us to turn back to him. 

3 Months Old

Three months…it is so hard to believe that it has been three months since you were born.   You are huge, so people that don’t know you think you’re even older than that.  You're so heavy now that I can't hold you for long with just one arm.  I have to use both arms or support you on my hip. 

So much has changed in the past month.  I am working again, which means you are spending your days at DCC in the Sunshine room.  That is the same room your big sis was in when she was a baby.  They love having you there, and you seem to love being there.  The week you started at school, you also started sleeping through the night.  In fact, your first full week you had 3 nights that you slept at least 8 hours without waking me up to eat.  You don’t sleep through every night, but this is major progress and help make me more rested when I go to work. 

You are also developing well.  You can hold your head pretty steady and follow everything with your eyes.  The biggest change is the way you use your hands.  You have started reaching out toward objects, and just this weekend reached up and grabbed my hair when I was changing your diaper.  You’ve also started making a lot of different coo noises.  You coo, goo, bbbbmmm, and squeal when you want to talk to someone. 

One thing that hasn’t changed is how happy you are.  You are always smiling and easily contented.  Last week, your teacher told me you’d had an off day.  When I asked what was wrong, she told me that it was nothing in particular.  You weren’t fussy, but you weren’t smiling and giggling like normal.  I guess if that’s an off day, you’re doing pretty well.  It gives me such joy to see you grin at me; it is hard to be frustrated, angry, or sad when you flash your gums.  I genuinely hope you maintain that happy personality as you get older and continue to lighten hearts when you smile.  

Fun with the Kids

While Billy was at training this week, the kids and I were home each evening watching the olympics, playing legos, and taking pictures.  Here are some highlights.

-When the Olympics came on last night, Audrey asked, "Where is Missy Frankin?"  I know she was referring to swimmer Missy Franklin, but I had no idea she knew who that is. Audrey informed me that she not only knows who Missy is, but that she is her favorite. I guess that shows you just how much we've been watching the Olympics. 

-Barrett still prefers the pacifier, but when that is not available, he puts fingers/thumb/hand in is  mouth in its place.  Let's hope that if he does start sucking his thumb that he stops cold turkey at age 3 like his sister.  All it took was a trip to the dentist and for him to tell her that sucking her thumb would mess up her teeth if she doesn't stop before she gets her adult teeth. 

-When Barrett is falling alseep or waking up, he stretches out his fingers and holds up his hands. You can see it in the picture where he is sucking his fingers.  It is almost like he is motioning for you to be quiet or to stop bothering him. 

-In my efforts to get back in shape, maintain a decent amount of sleep, and spend some quality time with both my kiddos, I got creative with my workouts.  I found ways to incorporate a child or two into different excercises so I can get a workout and have fun with the kids at the same time.  Some examples are baby leg lifts, London bridge lifts, several variations on crunches, and baby airplane. 

-Tonight we took some fun pictures.  During the shoot, Barrett's wet diaper leaked on Audrey's bed.  It was only a spot about 1 inch in diameter, but Audrey started getting upset.  I quickly reminded her that she had just wet her bed last night, and it was completely soaked so I had to wash all of it.  That quickly calmed her down.  That was her first accident in almost two weeks of not wearing pull-ups to bed, so I was pretty pleased she had made it that long. 

Letting Go

Barrett started at Downtown Children's Center yesterday just like his big sister.  It was bittersweet.  He did exceedingly well; the teachers said it was the best first day one of their babies has had in a long time.  He even slept like a champ last night.  When I dropped him off today, he was grinning before I could even get him out of the car seat.  He loves school.  I know this is good, but part of me wants to hold on to the days we've had at home when I was the only one that could make him grin like that.  It is only the first of many times I will have to let go, and it is really the smallest release I'll have in his life.  They still feed him the milk that I make, follow the schedule I say, and I can go get him whenever I want. That doesn't make it easier though, because I know it is just the beginning.  Soon I'll be letting him make his own choices about small things, and then bigger ones until he is an independent adult. 

I know I've said this before with Audrey, but it is so true. God has given me the gift of getting to raise one of His future adults.  I was not given this amazing opportunity to help Barrett maintain his baby-ness.  I am called to teach him God's ways, help him learn to make good choices, and let him go to follow the path that God has laid for him.  Leaving Barrett at DCC while I work during the day is only a small step, but it is only the first of many times I will be letting go of my motherly control. At least God starts small and builds us up for the more difficult times.  He let's us grow along with our children so that we are strong enough to let go when needed. 

I Love My Family

There is so much I want to say, but I am not sure how to connect all of my thoughts into a cohesive post.  So, I apologize in advance for rambling.  I am mostly overcome with love for my family and joy that God has blessed me with them.  We stayed home this weekend, which allowed us to start getting into more of a routine. We attempted a dinner outing with friends that included both of our children.  To my surprise, it was largely a success.  I also left both children with Billy while I attended a baby shower Saturday, which was his first time alone with both of them for an extended period of time.  I got home, and Barrett was sleeping while Billy and Audrey washed the cars. I'd call that a victory.  On top of that, we disovered that water noise helps Barrett sleep.  He may just be on a schedule that let's me get 7 hours of sleep a night before I start work. 
That brings me to another point...I go back to work on Friday.  For some reason, I am having a much harder time with it than I did when I went back after having Audrey.  I am not sure if it is the fact that my job has changed or if my perspective has changed; it is mostly likely a combination of both.  I have really enjoyed my days at home with Barrett.  I love watching him smile, coo, and try to command his arms to move where he wants them (he has a really cute concentrating face when he is doing that).  I have also enjoyed the flexibility in my schedule and getting to watch the Olympics during the day.  Probably the best part of being home is the evenings, when Billy and Audrey get home and we spend family time together.  I hadvealready finished the laundry, dishes, and cleaning, so there is ample time to relax and enjoy my family instead of working on my to do list.  That will all change when I go back to work, so I am constantly asking myself if it is worth it.  I know this is a common question for working mothers, and I did ask that question from time to time even with Audrey.  So, I turn to prayer and seek God's guidance and peace.  He has shown himself to me in so many ways lately and brought unmistakeable joy to my life.  I know he'll help me get through this as long as I continue to focus on him and am obedient to his call.