Where is Daddy?

Billy is currently on his fourth trip to Israel in the past 12 months. Each trip has kept him away for approximately two weeks. I have gotten the routine down to balance taking care of Audrey and the dogs with work and getting things done around the house without cutting into my sleep time too much. So, this first full day of the fourth trip, I feel like I am basically on autopilot. What I am struck by is how, as Audrey as grown, her interpretation of and reactions to this recurring situation have changed. Here is a quick recap:

April 2010: Audrey had just turned 1. I had gone on a couple of trips the month before and returned to a child that wanted only her daddy for the first couple of days after I returned. I expected the same for Billy, which wasn’t true at first. Initially, Audrey was excited to see him, but after that wore off, she was a mama’s girl for a long time after that. Audrey was a little fussy the first couple of days after he left, but quickly returned to her normal self. She also didn’t have much interest in talking to her daddy on the phone, which I think was harder on daddy than on her. Overall, her daddy’s trip went by without much notice by her.

July 2010: This time Audrey was more aware of the fact that her daddy was gone. From time to time, she would look around and say his name as if to say, “Where is daddy?” She was much more interested in talking to him on the phone too. After he returned, for the first few days, when he would leave the room or drop her off at school, she would start crying, seemingly out of fear that he would be gone a long time again.

October 2010: Audrey was definitely aware of the fact that her daddy was gone this time ‘round. Every morning when I got her out of bed, she would look up at me, shrug her shoulders and say, “Dadda?” Enter Skype. Before Billy left for this trip he set up Skype for us to use. This was a huge blessing, because Audrey could actually see him when she talked to him, which I think gave her a sense of security that she didn’t get from just hearing his voice over the phone. Despite the daily inquiries as to her daddy’s whereabouts, Audrey was largely unfazed by his physical absence.

Now, back to the present. Billy started telling Audrey Wednesday morning that he would be leaving the next day and would not see her for two weeks. From that point on, when he would leave her (i.e. dropping her off at school, getting out of the car at church, etc.) she would scream and cry. After he left her school yesterday, her teachers said that for the next few hours, she was distraught. Every little thing would set her off screaming and crying. Last night when we got home, each time she heard someone in the hallway, she would get excited and say “Dadda,” only to be disappointed when no one came to our door. It is clear that she is much more aware of what is going on and how it affects her. Even though she showed signs of awareness before, it is more constant. It always seems to be in the back of her mind, which I believe is a clear sign of her increasing maturity. She is not as easily diverted; she has lingered on this sentiment more like an adult than an easily distracted child. This is such a different reaction from that of the 1 year old Audrey from last April.