Leaning On God

After Billy got home from Seattle, I had help, and I relaxed.  I stopped having to hold it all together, because I had my partner back.  Ironically, what is found is that I started leaning on him instead of leaning on God.  It took me a bit to realize that, but where I had so much more grace and patience for myself and my kids while Billy was gone, once he got back, I got crabby again. I almost feel like I was a better person when he was gone because I HAD to lean on God. With Billy back, I started trying to take it all on myself again.

I am still working through this and trying to sort out how to always be leaning toward God instead of relying on my own strength, ability and understanding. I can think of many examples in the past week where I didn't even come close to doing that, but I won't bore you with all of the minute details. Suffice to say, I have higher expectations when my husband is home than when he's not, so I give less grace and lose my temper more quickly. And the worst part is that it's silly little stuff...stuff that in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter. The dog chewing on a rug, the kids tracking mud all over the white carpet, or my kids talking back to me instead of doing what I ask. Yet, I let it completely hijack my ability to think, breath or function until I've made a food of myself.

So, what to do? Honestly, I don't have it figured out. But, I guess that's actually perfect, because it gives me a chance to get some practice leaning into God for support. That means starting with prayer and reading scripture.  To start, the verse of the day today seemed very fitting, so I'll share it here.

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:7-8

We'll see where God takes me on this journey as I continue to learn to give up control to God.