After my last post, life has continued. That's right, the same old grind. The same struggles for balance. But, while my life has continued to be crazy busy, I've continued to be crazy stressed, and I've continued to not always be my best self, something even more crazy has happened. God has continued to pursue me. That's right! The maker of the universe and creator of heaven and earth has continued to pursue the messy, imperfect human that I am. Seriously. How can that not fill me with hope? And thank goodness it does, because when I stop thinking about it, I want to cry. But every time I think again about how God has been there in all of my recent struggles, the weight of all I've been carrying is lifted and I feel both the love and hope I've been longing for.
Yesterday was a rough day. Billy and I have been bickering about a lot of little stuff, because life is busy and we don't have everything figured out. Today work was so busy I barely had time to take a bio break during the day, much less have time to think and sort through challenges. The kids have been a bit out of sorts because they didn't get enough sleep while we were on vacation with friends the past few days. After getting the kids to bed, I still have so much to do. After all of the running yesterday, I just needed to sit and do something mindless for 10 minutes before jumping to the next item on my to do list after the kids were asleep. Immediately, I started checking and responding to texts, emails, etc. and realized that was not at all relaxing. It just caused more stress. So, I flipped to Facebook and started mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed.
I came to a long post with lots of words and no pictures, which I typically don't read (sorry friends that write long posts). For some reason though, I started reading this one. Halfway through, I realized that a friend of ours twas writing about my husband. She was writing about the fact that she saw him at the store with our 2 year old, making a menu, doing all of the week's shopping and buying me flowers. It was humbling...so humbling it made me cry. This is the same man I've been bickering with about silly stuff and, frankly, being pretty mean to for the past day. Why? I don't really know...he's been kind of crabby, so I've been crabby back.
That post made me realize how much I'd been taking for granted all of the amazing things about my husband. Like the fact that we really are equal partners in the running of our household. We both have our strengths when it comes to that (mine is definitely not putting hockey pads on the kids), but we both work, so we both share the responsibilities of keeping our family on track. I may not always like his jokes or his obsession with really fast boats, but he's a pretty great husband and father.
So, I tried to refocus my energy on praising God for his pursuit of my heart. Then, this morning, as I was driving to work, I heard a song I'd never heard before. It is called Known by Tauren Wells. It captured my heart in that moment so accurately it too made me cry. God has continued to pursue me in spite of myself. Now, I can't help but raise my eyes to the hills to remember that my hope comes from the Lord alone. That is helping me look past the stuff stressing me out to the one thing that truly matters.
"It's so like You to keep pursuing. It's so like me to go astray. But You guard my heart with Your truth." From Known by Tauren Wells
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