Trust and Obey

I have been and always will be a rule follower at heart.  Even as a child, it gave me great joy to do what was right, knowing that I was playing my part to keep order in society.  Those of you who know me well are not shocked to hear this, but you may be surprised by how shamelessly I have come to own it now. But, rule following made things so simple as a child. Doing what was right meant following the rules, and I was fortunate that I was raised by people who really were looking out for my well being.  So, the rules really did keep me and others around me safe.

As I have grown up, my desire to do what is right hasn't changed one bit.  What is different is how I determine what is right.  I've grown to know and love Jesus as my savior, and I know that God's plan is right and true.  That said, that plan isn't always clear.  My life experience, biases and desire to be in control of my life take over.  They create a lot of noise that make God's voice much harder to discern.
Lately, I've been feeling very distant from God, but I couldn't pinpoint why.  I have been confronted frequently by situations where the people around me were making choices that I worried would not take them down the right path. And, because I am a rule follower I see that as a BIG problem.  I've been surrounded all of my life by people that make choices that led them someplace they didn't want to be. However, this seemed different because I felt like God was calling me in a couple of different situations to act. I know this, yet I am helpless to affect the situation; or am I?  That's the question I've been wrestling with.

For example, do I stop letting my child hang out with a friend that encourages behaviors we don't tolerate like lying?  If I do that, it protects her now, but what about the next time she is faced with a friend who encourages even more destructive behavior?  Do I need to let her figure this one out on her own, but stay close to the situation and talk about it with her frequently?  How do I teach her to be kind and love her friends well while teaching her to protect herself from the bad choices they make? 

There are several other situations similar to this one with both friends and family.  So, I read my Bible and search for the answers.  I read about speaking the truth in love and using God's word as a signpost.  I read about loving thy neighbor and hating what is wrong. As I wrestle with questions like "how do I speak the truth in love?" I consistently find myself making assumptions about the truth.  However, I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was letting my own experiences and biases guide how I define truth.  I was driving to work when God awakened me to the realization that I need to seek God's truth, and not trust my own.  

After that realization, I began praying fervently that God would speak his truth to me so that I could share it and help guide those people that I love to see it too.  I had good intentions, but I could tell something still wasn't right. I was doing everything I could to help.  I was praying; I was reading my Bible; I was consulting with trusted Christian advisors.  Still, I was seeking control.  I was asking God to tell me what to do and getting frustrated when my marching orders didn't come through.  I saw suffering and wanted to make it better by saying something or doing something to help. Yet God stayed silent.  Well, sort of...you see, God was surrounding me with answers.  They just weren't the answers to the questions I was asking.  I wanted to save my loved ones from suffering, so I wanted God to tell me how to do that.  God was telling me to be patient and trust him.  I was asking God to tell me his truth so I could speak it, and God was telling me to just show love and stay silent.  I wanted God to answer my questions about what the path would look like, and he was telling me to put my faith in him alone. 

It's amazing how low I got because I thought God wasn't speaking to me.  Still, he showed me very clearly that he was listening.  He showed me that he is in control.  He showed me that he doesn't need me but he does want me.  So, here I sit, typing what has become an essay just to organize my thoughts.  These past couple of months have been a journey.  I feel more hope and joy than I've felt in weeks.  And the reason is simple.  I gave up control...well, I am trying to.  I mean, how many times have I gone on a similar journey and ended up in the same place?   Nonetheless, once more I am giving my faith, hope and life in God's hands.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6