Ups and Downs

The past week held many ups and downs for me.  It started with an invigorating Sunday morning at church where I had fun with the 2nd grade Sunday School class and then attended an energizing worship service.  During the service, the verse Romans 12:12 was read a couple of times, and it really stuck with me.

~ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and constant in Prayer.~

The prior week had been very busy, and I already felt a tinge of congestion in my head, so I knew that keeping focused on God was going to be very important in the week ahead.  So, I made the commitment that I'd use that verse as my mantra that week.  I committed it to memory and repeated it frequently throughout the week.  So, how did I do with living it out?

Well, as the day wore on, it became painfully clear I'd come down with a cold.   I did pray constantly that God would heal my cold, but I didn't do anything to help my body fight off the cold.  I worked a ton, ate poorly, ran around like normal in the evenings, and didn't go to bed any earlier than normal.  So, the cold persisted and has now turned into a sinus infection.  It's just a reminder that

As I started the work week on Monday, I knew I had a busy week ahead.  Little did I know that on top of the expected activities even more unexpected tasks would come up, and by Wednesday night I would be completely exhausted.    I tried to be patient, knowing that the stress would end once the tasks were completed.  As hard as I tried, being patient did nothing to reduce my stress.

On Thursday, I spent the day with my daughter and her classmates on their field trip to the Missouri Capital in Jefferson City.  As I went to bed Wednesday night, all I could think was how terrible the timing was for the trip.  I had too much going on at work.  I was still recovering from the pesky cold.  I hadn't done much of anything around the house all week, including buy milk.  I won't say that I didn't think about work, the empty fridge, or my congested head at all while we were in Jeff City that day, but I did have a fantastic time with my daughter and her friends.

So, at the end of the week, how well did I do at living out Romans 12:12?  Well, I'm giving my performance a mixed review.  Here's why.

I prayed a lot.  Did I pray constantly?  No.  Did I pray multiple times throughout the day?  Yes.  Did I pray first thing when I work up and before I went to sleep each night?  I most definitely did. Did the constant prayer keep me focused on God?  Well, sort of.  I was focused on asking God to help me with all of the things that weren't going the way I wanted them to.  If I am honest though, I'd say at least 75% of my prayers last week were some sort of petition.  That leaves only 25% for praise, confession and thanksgiving.  Not so great.

Now, let's talk about patience.  Was I afflicted?  Of course.  Did I turn to God and pray for deliverance in the struggles?  Absolutely! Was I being patient?  I definitely tried to be patient.  How did I try to be patient?  I told myself (in my head of course) to be patient.  I reminded myself that the light would come at the end of the tunnel.  I read Psalms that talk about deliverance and God's justice.  Did I persevere?  Well, sort of.  I mean, if you being completely stressed out and crabby persevering, then I guess you could say I did.  So, if I tried to be patient, then why didn't I persevere with more grace?  That's the question I found myself asking at the end of the week.  I found the answer in the third part (well, really the first part) of the verse.

That brings me to being "joyful in hope."  Was I joyful?  When the week was over and it was 5 pm on Friday I was.  Did I have hope that God would hear my prayers for assistance?  Well, I kept praying.  So, if I had hope, then why was it so hard to be joyful?  Because I was short-sighted.  I was totally missing the point.  I was living for today and wasn't living in light of eternity.

You see, I was focusing so much on my current struggles that I lost sight of the bigger picture.  My hope was only for the present, and the present sucked.  So, how could I be joyful in that? 

The point is that the hope God gives us extends beyond this moment, this lifetime, and even this world.  It isn't hope that life will be easy; it's hope for another life with him for eternity. It's hope that our loved ones will be there with us.   It's hope that with the life he's given us now, we'll bring him glory and spread his love to the world around us.  It's hope that each day I'm here I am doing my part in his eternal plan.  When I think about hope that way, it's hard to not be joyful.

So, as I go into this new week, I feel refreshed and energized, and it's not just because of the antibiotics that are getting rid of the nasty infection in my head.  It's because I now understand what Paul meant by Romans 12:12. First and foremost, I will put in my heart and mind the hope that God gives us through his son Jesus Christ. As the tribulations arise (and we all know they will), I will have patience because my heart is dwelling not on the affliction, but on the joy resulting from the hope that is in me.  And, I will pray.  Not because I want to receive something, but because there is no better way to express the joy, hope, and adoration that I have for my God and savior.

Gritty Kids

I know that Grit is becoming such a buzzword these days, but that doesn't undermine it's importance.  As a parent, I want to do everything I can to encourage my children to have a strong work ethic and to look at failure as a learning opportunity.  I don't want them to give up too easily or avoid things that are hard.  I want them to be gritty.

Honestly, I am not sure how to teach my kids to be gritty.  In fact, I am not always sure how to embody it myself in order to set a good example for my kids.  I often get frustrated when I fail, and that frustration comes out in ways I am not proud of.  I throw pity parties when things don't go my way, and I'd rather sulk than get up and move on.  I get lazy and secretly hope other people will do the tasks that I really dislike instead of just sucking it up and doing it myself.

As hard as it is for me to have grit, how do I help my children be gritty?  Well, the beauty is, they've got more than I typically give them credit for.  There have been a few situations that have come up over the past few weeks that have surprised me and remind me just how amazing my kids are.  I wanted to record them so I remember these moments a few weeks down the road when Barrett refuses to try to play his piano piece again after playing it incorrectly, and Audrey is crying because she "can't do anything right (her words, not mine)."

• Two weeks ago, we were at my parents house, and my dad had bought a little motor bike.  Barrett wasn't allowed to ride it, because he can't ride a bike without training wheels.  Determined to ride the motor bike, he learned in a matter of about 20 minutes to ride his bike without training wheels.  He did get to ride the motor bike after that.
• When Audrey first started her piano lessons, it seemed like she ended up in tears every time she practiced.  She would get frustrated when she didn't sight read songs correctly the first time and would subsequently shut down so she was at that point incapable of playing them correctly at all.  Since the school year started, she has been much more diligent about practicing and the piano induced tears have decreased drastically.  
• Since Audrey learned to read, I have dreamed of her reading the same books I loved as a child and sharing the joy of those stories with her.  I have tried time and again to encourage her to read long chapter books with little success.  She starts them and then before she can even get into the thick of the plot, she stops reading.  A couple of weeks ago, one of her classmates encouraged her to read Harry Pottery.  So, now she's reading the first book, and I have to go tell her to stop reading and go to sleep at night.  I know it's a great book series, so I can understand why she finds it so interesting.  Still, it is great to see her sticking with something!
• One morning last week, I was getting ready for work and went to ask Barrett and Audrey to get ready for school.  They were both in Barrett's room, sitting on his bed.  When I asked what they were doing, Audrey explained that she was teaching him to draw a star.  I then noticed a stack of at least 20 sticky notes covered in marks that were starting to more and more closely resemble stars.  It was great to see that not only were they working together, but that neither of them was getting frustrated by how long it was taking Barrett to draw a star correctly.  Now, Barrett is drawing stars on everything!  

These may be small moments, but they're worth celebrating, because they're moments when these kids worked hard and didn't give up.  

18 Months

Today you're 18 months old.  Looking at you though, I am pretty sure most people would guess you to be closer to 2.  You barely fit in 18 month clothes, which your big brother didn't do until halfway through the winter.  I have tons of winter clothes that I don't think you'll ever wear, because I expect you'll probably outgrow them before it is cold enough to wear them.

Your physical growth is likely a result of all of the food you eat.  And boy, can you eat.  I find myself taking a lot of photos of you eating, because it is just crazy sometimes the things you'll eat and how you eat them.  A couple of weeks ago, I had baked chicken breasts for dinner.  We cut up part of one for you and put it on your plate, but you refused to eat it.  You just kept pointing at the tray that held the remaining chicken that no one had claimed yet.  So, we gave you an entire chicken breast that wasn't cut up, and you ate it.  Your initial approach of putting on your fork didn't work for long, so you eventually just picked it up and took bites off of it.  I appreciate that you wanted to use our silverware, but I hope you'll figure out soon that using silverware is easier when your food it bite sized.

In addition to your physical growth is your continued intellectual growth. Every day you surprise us with new words.  Just yesterday you mastered saying "Nemo" and "Buffett," the names of your Nana and Papa's dogs.  You've gotten past calling all motor vehicles boats and now say "car" in reference to cars and trucks.  I think you're still learning what some of the words you say mean, as you continue to call Stella both Stella and Jack.  I think that in your mind, Jack means dog.  It's not surprising that so many of your words revolve around animals though, because you love animals.  If we see a dog at the park, you immediately start squealing with delight and clapping your hands.  You continue to b extremely gentle with them, but your high-pitched squeals don't always put them at ease.

You continue to adore both of your siblings.  Audrey still babies you while Barrett has started to play with you like a rough boy.  Sometimes you like it, but sometimes you really don't.  They've also found that you aren't always the best playmate, and will sometimes try to keep you out of their rooms so you won't mess up their toys.  You don't care for that very much, because you just love to be around your big siblings.

You've really start to play a lot more than you used to.  It's still more parallel play than interactive play, but it's clear that you're learning more and more each day.  You love looking at books, playing with legos, playing "hockey" (which is just using a small hockey stick to push around a tennis ball), and you love blocks.   Oh, and did I mention that you slobber constantly?

You also have a newfound fascination with shoes.  You really like putting your shoes on and taking them off.  You also love playing in mommy and daddy's shoes.  You'll play with your siblings shoes as well, but given the choice, you go for the biggest shoes available.  You do your best to shuffle around in them, acting like a big boy.

You're also infatuated with the vacuum  cleaner.  We have to store it in the garage most of the time now, because you will go into the closet and either sit in there with it or get it out of the closet all by yourself.  You then proceed to push it around the house making vacuum cleaner noises.

You've reached that age where many things cause you to erupt in a tantrum out of frustration.  If someone says "no" to you, immediate you fall to the ground crying the biggest alligator tears possible and screaming at the top of your lungs.  This also occurs when someone leaves against your will or takes away food that you were planning to eat.

I am so glad that you're a part of our family.  People often ask me how it is having 3 kids.  I tell them it's crazy, busy, and wonderful.  I can't imagine our family without you. You're growing fast, and I am so exited to see your little personality emerge.  I love you lots my little Fletchy Fletch.