What's Wrong?

When I dropped Audrey off at school the day after my last post, a 3 year old girl looked at her, then turned to me and asked, "what's wrong with her face?"  I might have chuckled at her lack of filtration, except for Audrey.  She put her head down in shame and walked away. 

Just a few minutes later, while Audrey was still in earshot, a teacher from one of the younger classes asked, "Is she going to be ok?"  I was a little stunned, and wasn't sure what to say.  I stammered out something about how she is fine and there was no major trauma.  Then, the teacher went on to ask whether the wound would scar or whether her face would heal to look normal again.  I politely said the doctors didn't expect any major scaring, and then looked over at Audrey.  The look on her face said it all.  Her brow was furrowed and her jaw was set as if to say, "of course I am going to be ok.  I am here, aren't I?"  

As I walked away, my  mind was racing.  "There's nothing wrong with her," I thought.  "She just has an ugly, giant scab across her face. Yeah, it isn't pretty to look at.  But what makes a face right or wrong?" 

All day I was in a little bit of a funk.  I kept thinking about that morning, and I started paying attention to my own thoughts and actions.  I thought about the young girl that asked me about Audrey's face, and I kept wondering whether her question was really that innocent.  I thought about the teacher and how blind she was to the fact that behind her question was an assumption that "normal" was right and different was wrong.  Needless to say, the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became.

In that moment, I understood what it is like to be the parent of a child with a disability that makes them look or act differently from other children.  I understood how it feels to have people imply that there is something "wrong" with me because I don't comply with their idea of "normal."  I knew that I do the same thing to other people, just like my daughter, who get stared at because they look different.

So, as a result of my contemplations, I decided to make some resolutions.  Not because I never pass judgments on people; rather, because I do.  Because there are so many people in this world that are different and are judged because if it.    I know I won't follow these resolutions perfectly, but I am going to try.  I want to change my habits, my thinking, and my heart to really live out God's will for my life and love my neighbor as myself.  And, I want to set that example for my children.

1. When one of my children is staring at a stranger who looks or act differently from us, I won't tell them to stop staring because that's not polite.  I will tell them to stop staring and say a prayer for God to help them love that person the way Jesus loves them.
2. When I find myself trying to steal looks at someone who draws my attention because they do not meet my preconceived definition of normal, I will say a prayer for God to help me see that person the way Jesus sees them.
3. I will tell my children they're beautiful more when they show love and kindness than when they just have on fancy clothes.
4. I will try to go through every day loving people instead of judging them.  That doesn't mean being blind to faults, but it does mean seeing past those faults and finding the beauty that God put in every person.   

I wrote this in a post to help hold myself accountable.  I am not trying to preach, although I realize I am on a bit of a soap box.  I just want to push myself to make a real change, because at some point, Audrey's face will heal and her injury will be a distant memory.  When that time comes, I don't want to forget what I learned from the resilience of my young daughter. 

Before I close, I also want to say thank you for all of the well wishes.  Audrey is doing great.  Most of the time, I think she forgets she has a boo boo on her face.  As you can see from this picture, she is full of her normal spunk and her face is already starting to heal. 

Nance's Law

You may have heard of Murphy's law:  Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.  In the Nance household, it has a slight twist.  Nance's law is:  Anything that can go wrong the day daddy leaves on a week long business trip will go wrong. 

The first case occurred the morning of Monday, May 12 when Billy left for New York.  I got a call from the kids' daycare less than 2 hours after dropping them off.  It was Barrett.  Pinkeye was the suspect.  A little later the doctor confirmed that as well as an ear infection.  By the time Billy got home that Friday, the pinkeye was cleared up and Barrett was halfway through his antibiotics for the ear infection. 

The second case happened the morning of Tuesday, May 27.  Billy left for New York again.  It was Barrett's second birthday.  I noticed his face was red that morning, but thought it was from sunscreen at the lake the previous day.  Less than 3 hours after dropping him off at school, I got the call.  Suspected hand foot and mouth disease.  The doctor confirmed the diagnosis shortly thereafter.  Fortunately, it was a mild case and Barrett was able to go back to school before his father returned on Friday night.

That brings us to the current case.  It all started Monday, June 23 when Billy left for Utah.  I went to work as normal, and there was a moment around lunch time when I did a little victory dance in my head because I had not heard from daycare.  I thought I had this one in the bag.  I was wrong. 

Fast forward to 4:35 p.m.  My work cell rings, and I know the number of the incoming call.  It was daycare.  This time, the suspect wasn't viral or bacterial and the victim wasn't Barrett.  Audrey had fallen on the playground.  Nothing was broken, but her face was pretty banged up. 

When I arrived at DCC, Audrey was sitting at the front desk with the receptionist.  It was worse than I expected.  The entire left side of her face was almost glowing red, and her lip was so swollen I couldn't tell where it stopped and her nose began.  And her lips.  They were blue. How would a fall cause that? I quickly figured out the blue was from a popsicle her teacher's gave her to occupy her while she waited for me.  Thank goodness.

We drove out to West County so we'd be close to home, and I took her to urgent care. Since Billy was gone, Barrett had to tag along.  That meant I spent most of the time we were there chasing him around trying to keep him out of trouble and managing a response to nurse and doctor questions when needed.  As if that wasn't enough, he managed to fill his pants less than 5 minutes after we got there.  Naturally, I didn't stop by home to get a diaper bag before we went either.  I am not sure if the people at that office were feeling sorry for us or thinking I was the most scatterbrained mother ever.

Audrey was incredibly brave while the doctor cleaned her wounds and inspected the gash on her top lip closely.  As she was laying on the bed, I wanted to be by her side, but was trying to contain her brother instead. The doctor's diagnosis was mixed.  No trauma injuries, but the cut needed to be addressed.  He recommended going to a hospital right away to get stitches.  Before I even got the discharge papers, I called Jamie to see if she could watch the B man at our house while I took Audrey to the ER. She was at our house in 20 minutes. I was so thankful.

At the ER, Audrey continued to be very brave.  She got a plastic hospital bracelet, which she insisted on wearing to school today to show her friends.  When the doctor came in, she quickly determined one stitch was needed on Audrey's lip.  As soon as Audrey heard that, she sat up, turned her back to the doctor and faced me, and demanded, "Mommy, give me my shoes." 

"Why do you need your shoes?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Because I am leaving.  I am going to the car right now.  I am not getting stiches," she said firmly without wavering.  Her tone was steady and even; she was resolute.  It almost made me laugh, but I managed to hold it in.  I realized at that moment just how much like her mother she is.  I scooped her into my arms and started trying to work my mommy magic.  I asked why, told her it wouldn't hurt, talked about why it was necessary, and made my best case.  She wasn't sold though. 

Then, a man knocked on the door and came in to get the trash.  He politely asked how it was going. "We're having a tough time with the idea that we need to get some stiches," I sighed.  I am not sure what I expected him to do, but I needed someone to empathize with me at that point.

"Oh," he said, "stiches are cool.  I don't know why you'd be scared of getting them.  It is really quick and then you'll get to go home." 

I thanked him as he left, and turned back to Audrey, who had loosened up her grip on me.  I promised her a milk shake if she was brave, and that seemed to be the last thing she needed to convince her to stay.  She let me set her down, and the doctor came in and started preparing her supplies.  Audrey did great the whole time the doctor was getting everything ready.  I was starting to think this might be pretty quick and easy.  There were cloths around Audrey's face, but her eyes were uncovered.  I was wondering if that was a good idea, and the doctor reassured me it was. Then, the doctor got out the little curved needle that's used to make the stitch.  As soon as Audrey saw it, she started freaking out. I knew I should have asked them to cover her eyes.  The nurse held her head steady while I held her hands down to her chest.  She was kicking her feet the whole time, but the doctor managed to get the stich in.  It was done.  I was so relieved. 

They asked Audrey what kind of popsicle she wanted, and I was glad she chose cherry so her lips wouldn't be some strange color again.  Then, the nurse asked me if I needed a popsicle too.  I laughed, but I almost said yes because I was starving.  It was almost 9 pm and still hadn't eaten dinner. 

After a stop by Chik-fil-A to get dinner and a milk shake, we finally made it home.  When we went upstairs to go to bed, Audrey got on her pajamas and went to brush her teeth.  It was the first time she had seen herself in the mirror since the accident.  I could tell she was a little surprised, but she held it together and studied the marks on her face for a bit.  "That's not very cool," she said.  I contemplated whether to talk about inner beauty or the fact that it would heal, but before I could jump in, she continued, "where is my stitch?" 

Relieved, I responded that it was clear thread and had some blood on it, so it was hard to see.  I assured her it would be easier to see in the morning.  She was glad to hear she'd have something to show off to her friends.  That's Audrey for you!  At least if she has to deal with Nance's law the rest of her life, I know she will make the most of it. 

Dadda Mow

Having a house of our own is great.  Having a yard to maintain is not.  It's been especially hard this summer to keep our grass groomed, because Billy has been traveling a lot and we've had some rainy weather.  It seems like every time he is home, he is mowing.  The hilarious part of it is that the kids love watching him mow.  I get an hour of mostly uninterrupted time to get some things done around the house while the kids watch their dad make our yard look presentable.  Here are some photos I've captured of various mowing experiences. 

Getting back to...Normal?

Normal is something I'd dare to say we don't see very often in the Nance household.  So, we've been trying to get back to normal the past few weeks after Billy's travel, Barrett's illness, a weekend in Greenville for Barrett's 2nd birthday party, a weekend at Lake O, and my own travel to DC.  I guess it is probably more accurate to say we've just been trying to hold down the fort!  With so much happening, I thought I'd at least try to get some photos up of all of the fun we've been having when we have all been together.

Barrett's 2nd Birthday Party
Jo Mamma's cake and cookies are a must have for birthday parties.  She did a great job this time around too!

We did a crawfish boil for dinner.  Part of the fun is that you get the crawfish alive, but iced down into a sleepy hibernated type of state. 

Audrey was very interested in the crawfish.  It only took about 10 minutes to convince her to touch one, and after that, she was picking them up and showing everyone that arrived at the party.  I was very proud of her. 

Barrett was all about the water, even though it was a pretty mild day. 

Barrett's grandparents got him a battery powered dune buggy for his birthday, and we made the mistake of giving that to him first.  He didn't want to get out! 

Once we did convince him to open more gifts, he was excited with what he found.

When we sang Happy Birthday, Barrett sang along with us.  Daddy had to help Barrett blow out the candles, but Barrett didn't care.  He was just glad he got some cake!

Lake Ozark Fun
The weather has been very mild the past few weeks.  As a result, our weekends at the lake saw more sweatpants and blankets than swimsuits and swimming.  The kids haven't minded that much though.  We've spent a lot of time on the boats and waverunners. 

Every time we go down to the dock, Barrett goes straight to the waverunner, points and says "ride." 

Audrey, not to be outdone by her brother, has to do the same.  She is very specific about the fact that she likes to go fast, but not too fast.  She is definitely not as much of a daredevil as her brother. 

The kids like to play on my parent's boat when it is on the dock.  Sometimes Logan comes over the join them. 

Billy did convince Barrett to go on the standup with him.  It was pretty chilly, so Barrett didn't last long, but Billy said he enjoyed every minute of it, laughing and smiling the whole time.