Thursday, December 10, 2020
Happy Birthday Mom
2020 has been like no year before and has been very challenging for our household like many others. Lucky thus far we have all been healthy with no signs of COVID, but we have had challenges with work sche bdules (me at work and Leslie remote at home), online schooling, and all the stress with a family not having a lot of space or normalcy. Leslie has been handling all of this like a super mom. I have no idea how she is managing it all (work and the kids), but she is doing an outstanding job. Her time has been very precious this year and that is probably one of the reasons for the lack of blogging, so here I am... i really just wanted to take the time to recognize how awesome and special of a woman she is. Our family is truly blessed to have her in our lives and I thank God for her love and support everyday. Kids I hope you learn more from her than me as then you will all truly be fine in life. Anyways I love you Leslie and Happy Birthday!!!
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Breaking the Silence
Oh 2020. The year that we all wish was some weird dystopian book that would just end any minute. For such a strange and unprecedented year, you may be wondering why I have been so silent on my blog. Well, it comes down to one thing...exhaustion. Throughout this year the emotions have been so strong and so consuming that I just didn't have the energy to write about them. Believe me, I started no less than 6 blog posts that I never finished. And, everyone else is writing all of the same things all over social media, so why add more noise to the mix?
The emotions are still very strong. That hasn't changed. What is starting to change, however, is my perspective. I am still sad, angry, scared, and just plain tired of all of this. Leslie from April would have told you 3 months ago she was tired of it, but now, I am REALLY tired of it. If I am honest, when this started, there were some elements of excitement and fun. We were living history. And, I am an introvert, so being forced to stay home wasn't all bad. After all, with my kids and husband here , I never feel lonely. And with tons of videos meetings for work, I had sufficient adult interaction. I also liked getting creative and doing new things with my kids. That was when I thought there was no way we'd still be doing the same thing at the end of May, June, and especially not July.
So, here we are at the end of July. There is no further clarity on when this pandemic will end or get under control. Yet, the novelty has worn off, and we don't really have any more information about what's going on or when it will end.
The most stressful thing about all of this. I can't make plans. PERIOD. I made plans, back in February, to make some changes to our childcare situation with Audrey starting middle school and Fletcher going to full-day preschool in the fall. Then...COVID. Now, my 2 older children won't be going back to a classroom until at least the end of October. AND, I still have no friggn' clue what my 4YO is going to be doing. He's learning to play Mario Kart, so there might just be a lot of Nintendo time in his future (I wish I was joking).
The uncertainty and the constant shifting is the hardest part of all of this. Can we please just come up with some sort of plan for the rest of 2020 and just stick with it? I would spend so much less time worry, trying to manage my anxiety, and coming up with contingency plans if we'd all just commit to the fact that this isn't going to be over by the end of October or even the end of the year. Until there's a vaccine that is safely administered and people are willing to take it, then we're going to be playing this game of two steps forward, one step back.
And that, my friends, is why I decided to finally write this. Because I am tired of feeling all of the feels over and over again every time the hope I had is crushed by another spike in hospitalizations in our area or another set of restrictions that is put in place. I realized that all of this time, I believed this was a temporary situation for a few weeks, even when it extended to months. Now, I can't continue to pretend and comfort myself with that perspective. We are in this for the long haul. And as weird as it sounds, that perspective shift is helping reduce my fear and exhaustion. When I believed it was temporary it felt wrong to not just push through and persevere. Now, I am realizing that this new reality requires endurance and skill that are earned through strategy and persistence, not brute force.
The most stressful thing about all of this. I can't make plans. PERIOD. I made plans, back in February, to make some changes to our childcare situation with Audrey starting middle school and Fletcher going to full-day preschool in the fall. Then...COVID. Now, my 2 older children won't be going back to a classroom until at least the end of October. AND, I still have no friggn' clue what my 4YO is going to be doing. He's learning to play Mario Kart, so there might just be a lot of Nintendo time in his future (I wish I was joking).
The uncertainty and the constant shifting is the hardest part of all of this. Can we please just come up with some sort of plan for the rest of 2020 and just stick with it? I would spend so much less time worry, trying to manage my anxiety, and coming up with contingency plans if we'd all just commit to the fact that this isn't going to be over by the end of October or even the end of the year. Until there's a vaccine that is safely administered and people are willing to take it, then we're going to be playing this game of two steps forward, one step back.
And that, my friends, is why I decided to finally write this. Because I am tired of feeling all of the feels over and over again every time the hope I had is crushed by another spike in hospitalizations in our area or another set of restrictions that is put in place. I realized that all of this time, I believed this was a temporary situation for a few weeks, even when it extended to months. Now, I can't continue to pretend and comfort myself with that perspective. We are in this for the long haul. And as weird as it sounds, that perspective shift is helping reduce my fear and exhaustion. When I believed it was temporary it felt wrong to not just push through and persevere. Now, I am realizing that this new reality requires endurance and skill that are earned through strategy and persistence, not brute force.
So, what does that mean for my path forward? For one, I am focused on sustainable plans. If something isn't sustainable for us until Christmas, it's not an option. Also, if something is completely dependent on other people to make good choices, I will either fully accept the risk (and resulting quarantine period) or, I will just avoid it completely. This is why eating at a restaurant or working out at the gym isn't worth it for me; I'd rather not do those things and be able to do smaller things like visit my niece and nephew. And, I guess it means I am in search of a nanny...again. So, if you know of anyone that wants to enforce virtual school for 3 kids a few hours a day so that I can get some heads down time to do my job, please let me know. I'm not kidding. Message me.
Wednesday, June 3, 2020
Barrett is 8
I am on a roll this year with being a bit late on my birthday posts, so I figured I'd just keep the streak alive. Barrett, you turned 8 last Wednesday. And, since we didn't want to break your streak of birthdays at the lake (this was the 4th year in a row), we figured we'd stay at the lake all week. In true form, you wanted a long boat ride for his big day. He also requested ribs for dinner and an ice cream birthday cake. And, we were able to deliver on all 3 despite the overcast weather and mommy having to work most of the afternoon.
Over the past year, you've continued to become more confident in who you are and what you really enjoy. You love being active, weather it's playing hockey, riding your bike, playing basketball, or literally just running around the yard, you still need to burn off physical energy, or you are bouncing off the walls. You were doing a great job with hockey before the stay-at-home orders went into place because of COVID. But, every time you think there is a chance you might get to skate or play hockey, you get so excited. I can tell you really miss playing. I can really tell how much you love it by how much you are missing it right now. In fact, you miss it so much and want to be so ready to play again, you've been running laps in the yard and doing squats and pushups to stay in shape.
The interim, COVID-friendly sport of choice is bike riding. You are on your bike constantly. And, up until your birthday, you had a bike that was clearly too small for you. You were always peddling twice as fast as everyone else to keep up, but you did it. You're a hard worker, and love riding so much that you didn't even seem to care. But, when we rode 15 miles on the Katy trail on Mother's Day, you were definitely exhausted at the end. I don't think your legs had ever been as sore as they were the next day.
In addition to your love of being active, you love being around and caring for the people you love. The best part of being home with you and your siblings the past 3 months has been watching the of you really bond. You and Audrey love playing games together. She tends to pick up on new games faster, but you're more patient, so as you learn, you start beating her (and she doesn't really like that).
When Audrey is doing dance or practicing music, you and Fletcher get a chance to play together. There do tend to be a lot of fart jokes, but you also play various versions of Star Wars, army, astronauts, and other superhero shows. Oh, and hockey. You two are constantly getting in trouble for playing hockey in the living room (especially at the start of this stay at home thing before it got nice outside). Most of the time, I don't quite understand what you are doing, but there are constant "pew pew" gun noises and costumes of some sort that go along with your play.
You're love extends to your dog too. Somethings, I wonder if Tripper actually likes all of the attention you kids give him. You're always chasing him around and playing tough of war. Just today I had to ask you to be quiet while playing with Tripper so I could hear a video chat I was on. But, I see the way he still likes to snuggle up next to you and the way he wags his tail every time you're around. so, I assume that means he does like the attention.
You are extremely creative and are always trying to engineer things. You are constantly trying to tape cardboard and other materials to your remote control cars and drones to see how much they can pull or fly (like the picture below). You still love Legos, and are especially keen on the ones that you can put motors in to make them move in some way. You spent hours one weekend a couple of months ago trying to make a boat out of Lego blocks that would float (without cheating and using the one-piece Lego boat hull). You were determined to them put a motor on it and make it a remote control boat. You weren't able to get to a point where the blocks were buoyant enough, but I have a feeling you'll figure it out at some point.
I think what I have always loved most about you though is your huge heart. You feel deeply. You love deeply. You get really angry sometimes. But in the end, you really do want to do the right thing. You desire for fairness and justice is sometimes a challenge as a parent (because life isn't always fair), but I know it is a trait that will serve you well as you grow up. I love seeing your bashful smile (the one you have when you're proud of yourself, but your humility won't let you gloat). I love the way you work hard and push yourself, even when sometimes I wish you'd give yourself a little more grace. I love your grittiness; I never doubt that you can achieve anything you set your mind to because of it. I love being your mom and I am so thankful you are part of our family.
Over the past year, you've continued to become more confident in who you are and what you really enjoy. You love being active, weather it's playing hockey, riding your bike, playing basketball, or literally just running around the yard, you still need to burn off physical energy, or you are bouncing off the walls. You were doing a great job with hockey before the stay-at-home orders went into place because of COVID. But, every time you think there is a chance you might get to skate or play hockey, you get so excited. I can tell you really miss playing. I can really tell how much you love it by how much you are missing it right now. In fact, you miss it so much and want to be so ready to play again, you've been running laps in the yard and doing squats and pushups to stay in shape.
The interim, COVID-friendly sport of choice is bike riding. You are on your bike constantly. And, up until your birthday, you had a bike that was clearly too small for you. You were always peddling twice as fast as everyone else to keep up, but you did it. You're a hard worker, and love riding so much that you didn't even seem to care. But, when we rode 15 miles on the Katy trail on Mother's Day, you were definitely exhausted at the end. I don't think your legs had ever been as sore as they were the next day.
In addition to your love of being active, you love being around and caring for the people you love. The best part of being home with you and your siblings the past 3 months has been watching the of you really bond. You and Audrey love playing games together. She tends to pick up on new games faster, but you're more patient, so as you learn, you start beating her (and she doesn't really like that).
When Audrey is doing dance or practicing music, you and Fletcher get a chance to play together. There do tend to be a lot of fart jokes, but you also play various versions of Star Wars, army, astronauts, and other superhero shows. Oh, and hockey. You two are constantly getting in trouble for playing hockey in the living room (especially at the start of this stay at home thing before it got nice outside). Most of the time, I don't quite understand what you are doing, but there are constant "pew pew" gun noises and costumes of some sort that go along with your play.
You're love extends to your dog too. Somethings, I wonder if Tripper actually likes all of the attention you kids give him. You're always chasing him around and playing tough of war. Just today I had to ask you to be quiet while playing with Tripper so I could hear a video chat I was on. But, I see the way he still likes to snuggle up next to you and the way he wags his tail every time you're around. so, I assume that means he does like the attention.
You are extremely creative and are always trying to engineer things. You are constantly trying to tape cardboard and other materials to your remote control cars and drones to see how much they can pull or fly (like the picture below). You still love Legos, and are especially keen on the ones that you can put motors in to make them move in some way. You spent hours one weekend a couple of months ago trying to make a boat out of Lego blocks that would float (without cheating and using the one-piece Lego boat hull). You were determined to them put a motor on it and make it a remote control boat. You weren't able to get to a point where the blocks were buoyant enough, but I have a feeling you'll figure it out at some point.
I think what I have always loved most about you though is your huge heart. You feel deeply. You love deeply. You get really angry sometimes. But in the end, you really do want to do the right thing. You desire for fairness and justice is sometimes a challenge as a parent (because life isn't always fair), but I know it is a trait that will serve you well as you grow up. I love seeing your bashful smile (the one you have when you're proud of yourself, but your humility won't let you gloat). I love the way you work hard and push yourself, even when sometimes I wish you'd give yourself a little more grace. I love your grittiness; I never doubt that you can achieve anything you set your mind to because of it. I love being your mom and I am so thankful you are part of our family.
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